this dress.

It's gorgeous! For those who managed to catch ep 209 of Desperate Housewives, were you not similarly bowled over by this cream dress? Couldn't get a picture of the back of the gown but it's as breathtaking!

I am so so tempted to bring this picture to a tailor and get myself a similar gown!

And maybe I will ....

When I actually find a tailor.

::::

Wheee.....for the SEVENTH TIME!

Honestly - you get tired of it after a while.

What I really wanted to talk about was how faithful God was throughout this very very stressful-I-just-want-to-bang-my-head-against-the-wall-and-just-die period. I was doubting my decision to stay on for Honours when the rest of my classmates are freakin' smart and well read and hardworking people (read: those with mighty good grades) and hey, with them and the bell curve, we all know where I'd stand.

Sucky essay grades hadn't even come into the picture yet.

Anyway, my most dreaded paper this semester was actually 18th century lit cos I just couldn't understand/didn't read a lot of the things. Okay la partially my own fault for being lazy also la.

So anyway, 1 day before the exam, I came to the realisation that Burke was most likely going to come out as the compulsory question (here's the book that we were supposed to have read, according to Uncle Wiki) but of course, I was away at HK during that lecture and conveniently forgot to read it.

Thanks to my wonderful neighbour-girlfriend-classmate-fellow future teacher Serene who gave me a mini lecture/crash course about Burke 2 hours before the paper, I knew a little about Burke.

But I knew it wouldn't be enough.

So I get this paper and lo and behold, Burke, indeed, for the compulsory question. Panic rose and flooded my brain.

No, Sze - must.be.clear-headed.

Said a quick prayer - God just let me be clear headed here!

So I went on to do question 2 first. After an hour, got it done. Went back to the compulsory question - and thoughts as such came to my mind:
- that's it Sze- you're going to leave this segment blank and it's ALL COS of your own laziness and inadequacy!
- OOhhhhhhh ANOTHER B MINUS on the way!
- You should have just packed your bags to go NIE la!

Seriously, all these ran through my head within the span of like 30 secs.

I couldn't take it and really prayed (well, not out loud - it was an exam hall after all) for God's wisdom to take over and guide me to what was right(write).

And you know what - God IS GREAT! He pointed me towards this one particular topic that we have been discussing throughout the semester, led me to link it to one particularly central point of Burke's argument and before I knew it, I knew what texts/poets to focus on and how my essay should be outlined.

"Thank You God!" I breathed as I took up my pen in my already sore right hand to write.

And I finished the essay on time.

Now, it definitely was not an A essay. It was majorly smoking my way through but I was pretty confident that I did make my points clear. And the focal point is that God didn't let me go through this last paper with a blank section- He indeed led me to remember whatever little I had studied (and what I remembered from what Serene told me) to go on to write a complete essay.

What can I say apart from that we have a great God?

::::

I've never really had a thing for designer bags. Like, yea I'd do like oooh that's pretty but I'd never save up for one (I don't see the satisfaction of 'owning at least one piece of LV') nor to hunt for a knockoff.

But I have to say ....



SOOOOOO PWEEEETTTYYY!!!

And since we are on the topic of bags ANYWAY can I also say that I fell in love with Coach Daphne large satchel promptly (well, after looking at the picture-la) too?



Okay, so maybe I DO have a little thing for designer bags. But nope still won't save up for one. I'd rather save up for a holiday. Or save up to pay my Great-Wall-of-China-esque-loans.

But they ARE good to look at, ay?

I see someone shaking his head and tsk-ing away.

< /bimbo >
< geek >
back to the long eighteenth century baby.

::::

Hey people I have a friend who asked me to pass the word around that ...

There is a gig during December which consists of simple acting roles (fairy tale stuff) which is paying SGD40/day, 4pm-8pm on these dates: 2, 3, 10, 11, 17, 18, 23 and 24 December.

That's all the details I have from him right now but if anyone of you is interested, do drop me an email and I'll get my friend to get back to you.

Oh and in his words, he wants people who are "flamboyant and outgoing, not paiseh one".

Hehe. Apparently I fell into the not paiseh category too. Too bad I can't take up this job.

Anyway, just drop me an email or SMS me or something la.

=edit=
Two other jobs but for people who can sing la :)

(1) 13, 15, 16, 20, 22, 23, 24 December at Bugis - need 10 singers (carolling). The times are either 730pm or 8pm (varies with dates) and you'd have to be there an hour beforehand.

(2) 4pm-8pm, 23 and 24 December at Orchard Road - 8 singers.

(3) 9 or 10 December - need 3 singers and 1 guitarist.

Okay so just contact me la. I won't take commission la.

::::

Deferens introduced me to YouTube yesterday during lunch.

It marked the peak of my procrastinating career.

Anyway, with relevance to Geek Chic's post about 3 girls meeting up on a rainy day at the only Coffee Bean in Ipoh, I found this video.

Should study lah-wei.

::::

Last night on the way to meet Justin's family for dinner, I told him:

Eh dear, I don't know whether I'd be able to tahan this Ruicheng trip really. Like with all the minimal-showers thing, fears of diarrheoa and stuff. I so siu-jeh. I am really praying that I won't fall sick or something cos two people did when they were there last year.

"But you are really excited about it right?"

Yea, I am!

Looking at the emails *almost* daily, anticipating the end of exams when we can start preparing proper, beginning to get to know the situation there ... I am indeed excited!

And there is no other reason but You, Lord.

::::

I find myself almost spontaneously saying this every time in response to a "How are you?". As I ask constantly, how else am I suppose to answer?

While I've discovered again and again the joys of being alone but not lonely, today I've forced myself to come face to face with the reality that maybe I am not alone but lonely.

While I read so much about people romanticizing the past and think hey that is what I am doing too, I realise that I have been romanticizing even the friggin' present.

While many times I find that the only me that people know and want to recognise is the me who says YES to everything, today I find that saying NO is a problem and I don't know where to begin doing so.

While people have constantly told me that I am "too nice" I realise that that's all there is to me. Too nice.

While I like to think that hey I belong but no something creeps up all the time to remind me that maybe I never existed all along.

While I know that sincerity is the key to a lot of things I find myself constantly struggling between those times when I am lost in my own thoughts and trying to be as good a person that I should be.

While I hate myself for constantly wanting to cry and rant and whine, I find that I am never in the position for doing so for indeed, there are always others who are more appropriate for the position. Go take a number, Sze.

You know those days where you just want curl up and just hate yourself for dousing yourself with lies all this while and when reality smacks you right at the face you find that you cannot handle it and you know that it is definitely not PMS?

And you hate yourself even more cos you are just so self centred that all you care about is you you and you.

And yes, I'm good.

::::

December holidays shall be spent playing point-and-click games until I want to puke blood and die of boredom, which does not sound very likely at this point of time when it's all that I want to do.

::::

By now, most would have already heard of the case now known as Zouk Abuse. Much has been said about the issue and I just have to say that reading the victim's account just made me sick in the stomach. I don't really care at this point of time whether what she said was the truth. Because not only were the club irresponsible at that point of time, our law enforcers have also apparently failed to provide the necessary protection that we have been paying for and have been told of.

Taken off Zouk Abuse,

The policewoman who was taking her statement told her she should be ashamed of herself for being in the men’s toilet and that she should watch her behaviour! And when Julz wanted to make a statement in English, the policewoman asked her rudely why she was speaking the ‘white man’s’ language and not bahasa melayu. The policewoman claimed she did not understand English. (Note: you have the right to make your statement in the language of your choice). So Julz gave her statement in bahasa melayu. She had to correct the statement several times for spelling corrections because the policewoman’s command of her native language was obviously not exactly first rate.

I see several heads nodding in recognition, what else is new?, which renders me to more speechlessness as the same thought runs through my head.

What is wrong with these people? These, used in the most general sense, and it's up to you to interprete who are these people, cos we have different these people in our daily Malaysian life.

Like the traffic police who unabashedly asks you for a bribe when you remember distinctively that no, you didn't speed.

Like the immigration officer that asked the old lady on my bus last night for an angpau when he discovered that her passport was due to expire in about 2-3 months time, befor allowing her to exit the country.

Like the police officer who could barely type with 2 fingers and spent 1.5 hours trying to file a proper wallet loss report.

Like the case where they hauled 22 young people away to jail and mishandles them while they were there?

Like all the other crap that you have heard and sighed over.

Don't say that we have been merely focussing on the negative. I'd like to say that we have been focussing on what has been neglected and left unreported in mainstream media. I don't really care about how UM and USM have slided in the THES rankings; how graduates can't find jobs cos they are plain lazy; how some guy is trying to claim the throne of Malacca; how detainees threw bricks and stones to immigration officers - what about the other way round? What about the regular nonsense in the everyday life of a Malaysian which we resignedly joke about as part and parcel of our life?

3.5 years of an Arts education have told me that nah, this is impossible.

What do you do? It's all very easy to:
- pack your bags and leave this place
- stay here and be conditioned into the system
- stay here and continue to complain

Because I don't hear anyone listening to any of the things we have been ranting about. How do we convert these rants to real action?

I must be quite stupid, cos I don't know.

::::

Don't quite know how to elaborate here but erm, my Ruicheng funds is like down to zero again ...

So as you are reading, please please do pray for funds ok? I am looking into getting a loan from church but it can only be settled when I go back to Sg and get my finals over and done with ...

::::

I just thought that the number looked cool. I don't commemorate my blog's, erm, blog-day, but yeah, 567 looked cool. Heck, Justin and I don't even have a proper anniversary date. I just pick a date in December, go for a dinner outside and declare it our anniversary. Or if we happen to be apart, I'll just simply declare a particular day as anniversary day during one of the phone conversations.

But I digress.

Again.

The reason for this post is to announce that Ipoh is indeed a sleepy little town disguised as a city with cheap clothes and big shoes.

I am sleepy at midnight when I BEGIN hyperventilating at 12 in Singapore.

Press on, just that little more left to the blardy proposal!

::::

I've been in Ipoh since 430pm Tuesday and already I've accumulated:
1 x party heels
1 x baby tee
2 x skirts

and so far these are under consideration:
2 x halter tops
1 x pleather tote

But those who know me would know that I can always fully justify what I buy with its perfectly reasonable prices that I always *seem* to get them in!

Back to work!

::::

- The much-raved about yellow couch :)
- The brother with ready smiles and kisses (not so much on the latter anymore these days - he is growing up!)
- The mom and her fantastic meals and rides and everything!
- Air-conditioning!
- Astro!
- The car!
- The room(s)!
- Just being at home :)

Though I'd have to finish the research proposal (which I am stuck at even at the dissertation TITLE) by Thursday night and finish reading/re-reading half of Asia Moderns in preparation for the finals. Don't remind me that it's virtually impossible. It has to be done!

On fun-ner note, I will be zipping off to KL for The Girl From Ipoh - the aunt's treat! Muahahahah! Students get 10% off and so do those from Ipoh! (Do I get 10%+10% off then?)Will be back in Ipoh on Saturday - either hitching a ride from Keon (who so kindly offered it since he is coming back on Saturday as well!) or the aunt (who might be coming to Ipoh for the weekend).

Just when I was headaching over the fact that I'd need to actually be at Pudu twice in 2 days - I get rides from people!

Gotta go!

::::

...but has anyone actually surfed the webpage of the Perak State Library (yes they actually do have one!)?

I googled it as I was thinking of going there tomorrow and *hopefully* be able to dig up some stuff that might be useful for my research proposal - which concerns Malaysian Anglophone literature ANYWAY.

It brought back memories of a certain 15 year old headstrong AMC girl who argued with one of the librarians who refused to give her a proper reason , apart from "itu arahan pihak atas" (It's orders from authorities above), for the rule that barrs "patrons" from bringing their own books into the library. Despite further questioning, all the librarian could do was to repeat the same line over and over again only to end with "you tak suka buat komplen la!" (if you don't like it make a complaint!"

And so she promptly did.

But there was no reply from whatsoever higher authorities concerning that matter. Tsk.

Anyway, I digress. What I really wanted to blog about was (which again, might be nothing new!) this:

LIBRARY RULES

1. Patrons are not allowed to EAT, DRINK, SMOKE, SPIT, LISTEN TO WALKMAN and use MOBILE PHONE in the library.

2. Patrons are required to wear CLEAN and DECENT CLOTHES. Patrons wearing SHORTS and SHORT SKIRTS or SLEVELESS SHIRTS are not allowed to enter the library. (except children).

3. Patrons are required to obtain permission from the library staff on duty before bringing any text books or reference books into the library.

4. Adult patrons are NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER or READ in the children library.

5. Patrons, especially teenagers, are not allowed to act indecent in the library.

6. Patrons are not allowed to change the positions of furniture or equipments inside the library.

7. Patrons are not allowed to disturb other patrons by speaking loudly.

8. Patrons are not allowed to TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS in the library without any permission.

9. Patrons will have to leave the library 15 minutes before closing as lights will be switched off then.

10. OFFICERS AND LIBRARY STAFF MAY REFUSE ENTRY TO ANY PATRON WHO BREAKS ANY LIBRARY RULES.

Honestly, I appreciate the effort that they have put into creating an English webpage. But it wouldn't hurt for that LEETLE bit more to spell "sleeveless" correctly right? (Among other things :))

Must be a typo?

But how hard is it to spell check?

Have fun spotting mistakes! Though, in their defense, not every sentence is wrong!

But I am sure that you Ipoh people have "studied" at the state library at least once right? It was like the in place to be seen!

One of the reasons why I don't like to reflect upon my teenage years.

::::

You Are Likely a First Born

At your darkest moments, you feel guilty. At work and school, you do best when you're researching. When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often. In friendship, you are considerate and compromising. Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking. You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream.

::::

The Ruicheng team decided to spend the morning taking pictures at Esplanade to make into souvenirs for the students at the school! So we met for breakfast and *thank God for the good weather!* and went on to take some silly pictures! Here are some of the *better* ones.


We were nice at first ...


Then we started bullying Sheng Hwee...


But we're good people after all :)

It's really exciting to see how our team has become friends after 2 meetings and even more exciting to think of what awaits us at Ruicheng in December!

::::

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home

Home by Michael Buble is the worst song to be playing at random on your playlist when you are physically fatigued, surrounded by books and papers, facing an empty Word document, and knowing that this semester might be the "THAT'S IT" semester for your academic life.

Heck the final lectures. I am going home for Ernie's 11th birthday. That lil punk is probably enjoying his day out at Sunway Lagoon with my bunch of little cousins right now.

::::