Overslept this morning and missed Romanticism lecture ... *guilty look* .... 2nd class that I've missed this week - no more I swear!

Been thinking about going home in a couple of weeks' time. Will be having a mid term break from 18-26 September (inclusive of weekends) and I hadn't planned on going home at all. Reason being the neverending readings, a make-up lecture that week, a term paper proposal due, and 2 essays due the week after.

HOW?!??!

Was thinking of leaving on 17th afternoon - reaching 17th night - and come back to Singapore on 20th night. Either that or skip 17th class - leave on 15th afternoon as I don't have Thursday classes and come back Sunday night.

HOW?!?!??!

Or I don't go back at all. *but I want to....* It's been 3 months since I was home (no biggie for those overseas I know) but....I know the longest I've been away was about 6 months - last year - but still......

Or I'll just stay here in Singapore and hermit-ize myself. My parents want me to go back though - even if it's only for the 3 days.

HOW?!??!!

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Yup. Went to JB today and shopped around the saloons at City Square with Justin when we found out that the new REDS saloon at City Square was having an opening promotion. Got my hair cut and highlighted together with treatment for RM160 - which is pretty decent actually. To take a look - here you go.

The picture can't really show but the hairstylist took charge and gave me highlights in two colours - copper and purple. The purple can't really be seen but it does bring out the copper part. For once my highlights ain't red.

I am happy :) And Justin did something cool to his hair too.

And it is back to dreary school again. Bleh.

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I wonder which publicist of The Apprentice thought of this. Pretty cool idea if you ask me. REAL enough as it Friendster is so popular these days, practical as people would want to know more about the contestants instead of them being just another face on TV PLUS it's good publicity to boot.

Oh well.

Getting the deed done at JB later. I have this feeling that I'd chicken out still. Help.

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You know how often we talk about the need to unite the country, defend ourselves from terrorists, narrow the economic gap...yadayadayada.....

Does not work. Not with the attitude certain people are having.

Not sure if this piece of news was in any Malaysian news publications - couldn't find it on The Star Online - but on today's Life Section of The Straits Times, there was this snippet about racial bias in Malaysian Idol. Apparently, some people are whining about the lack of ETHNIC Malays left in the finals, crying foul, complaining that the voters are biased towards the ethnic Malays. And then you get the head judge or someone saying that there should at least 2 of the 3 ETHNIC Chinese left in the finals as they are popular or something like that. And then there is this other person defending everyone by saying that the ethnic Chinese did vote for the ethnic Malay contestants.

AAAARRRRGGGHHH. I've have had enough of this. Having these news in the Singapore Straits Times will only create more Malaysian jokes for the Singaporeans, as if there are not enough already.

It's MALAYSIAN IDOL!! Something that is supposed to bring the whole country together, however idealistic it may seem.

Imagine: If there were more ethnic Malays than other ethnicities in the finals, would there be such a huge hoo-ha in the first place? No....there wouldn't, cos they got in by their own merit.

Same thing that happened during the first year when they implemented the so-called meritocratic university admission system. Most of the ethnic Malays went through their special matriculation programme while the rest of us were doing STPM. Yea they got in through their matric programme all right. Even with the meritocratic system, more ethnic Malays than previous years got in. And what do you get as the headlines in the papers? "Shows that they are really capable" or something like that.

This is just a rant, albeit a very racist one. Just that I am sick of it all. It just brings me back to those days in RPS where there'd be special notices for the bumis for all the wonderful scholarships they'd get. Reminds me of the 3 days I was at UM and every single Malay that I made friends with went through with the matric system and couldn't speak English properly.

ARGH.

p/s will I get into trouble for this?

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Choon Seng put this up on the Friendster Bulletin Board. Let's see how much a Regular, Cina or Ah Beng Malaysian Chinese I am. Those in bold apply to me.

Today, in Malaysia, there is no longer just the Chinese. Along the way, the Chinese people divided beyond dialects and religious faith. We now have denomination within the Chinese. The major three groups are Regular, Cina, and Ah Beng.

The Regular group is the minority, making up less than 20% of the Chinese people. This group has the following characteristics:
1. Speaks English as the first language.
2. Thinks the world owes them a living.
3. Uses the Internet more than the other two groups combined.
4. Loves the iPod and/or IKEA.
5. Watches one or more of the following TV series: "Sex And The City", "Friends", or "CSI."
6. Thinks that the Regular group is way larger than it is and makes fun of the other groups, particularly the Ah Beng group. Why? Because it's fun. Okay fine - SOMETIMES


Recent studies have also shown that there is a growing splinter group within the Regular group known as the CPWTTANC group. (CPWTTANC is short for Chinese People Who Think They Are Not Chinese.) This growing subgroup are considered elitist by some and are found making statements like "I wish I were in the U.S." or "This never happened when I was studying in Australia." They also tend to speak with an unidentifiable accent. The women may also prefer to date white men from foreign countries with the excuse that local men just "don't understand me" and have the
secret desire to be taken away to the U.S. to live in a sitcom.

(This actually reminds me of certain girls from my secondary school who said people like me and the rest of the girls in the debating team are 'not worthy to be Chinese' because we speak English so much. Bah.)

The second Chinese group, Cina make up approximately 55% of the Chinese community.
(Cina is derived from the Malay word Cina which means Chinese and is pronounced "chee-na". And you will have to say it in a condescending tone for effect.) This group is considered mainstream and contribute to the numbers that
reflect development in the country. They are the masses in context of the Chinese community. In other words, if you want to sell something to the masses of Chinese people, the Cina is it.


The Cina are identified by the following traits:
1. Speaks Mandarin or Cantonese as the first language. - I spoke both English and Cantonese quite equally, can?
2. Generally quiet, self-effacing, and obliging but are actually shrewd and calculative.
3. Sees Taiwan as the place to be.
4. More likely to forward chain email to people in their address book.
5. Goes to Halo Café or Wow Wow Café BY CHOICE at least three times a year.
6. Has Astro hardwired to Wah Lai Toi.
7. Calls a music video an MTV instead of music video.
8. Knows all the dim sum dishes by name.
9. Seventy percent of lighting at home generated by flourescent lights.


The last group are known as the Ah Bengs . This term was probably made up by the Regulars in the early 80s during the cultural invasion that saw the mass import of music and movies from countries like Hong Kong, Taiwan, and to some extent, Japan. This phenomenon saw the more open-minded and runaway members of the Cina group
defect into Ah Bengs and its feminine equivalent,Ah Lian. They just took their Alan Tam and Anita Mui a little too seriously.


Perhaps the most made-fun-of group not only by its own Chinese people but by people of other races, the Ah Bengs are often seen as people living on the edge and have more flamboyant tastes.


One may identify the Ah Beng by these tell-tale signs:
1. Built-in visual self-defense mechanism that keeps people away from them.
2. Have enough amplifiers in their one car to power speakers for six cars.
3. Hair not in their original colour.
4. Volume of voice is automatically five decibels higher than everyone else.
5. Excessive use of the phrase "Kan Ni Na Bu Ciao Chee Bai". (Although, to be fair, some members of the Regular group have been reported to use the phrase on a daily basis as well.)
6. Once a fan of one of the following groups: Vengaboys, Dr Bombay, Aqua, or the Cheeky Girls.
7. Their Proton car does not look like a Proton car due to modifications.


Right. I am officially a half Regular, two-ninths of a Cina and one-seventh of an Ah Beng. Cool.

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I want to get a hair cut. No, make that, I want to get a completely new hairstyle. Yes I like my natural slightly wavy hair but I am bored - again. The last time I had a totally short haircut was back in Lower 6 which is...erm...4 years ago. I like the fact that with long hair I can ponytail it, braid it, bun it whatever.

But I am bored.

But I won't be going for too drastic a cut - I am a wimp after all. Thinking of going for a layered bob - well not really a bob, more like a chin length - near shoulder length cut - with purple and pink highlights. Yup. Purple and pink. Been toying with that idea since last year. But pink's hard to achieve and so is purple. And there is a danger that I'd just end up looking totally ah-lian (Malaysian: lala). So I might go back to my usual red. But..but.....

All shall be revealed this Saturday.....yeah cheapo me going to JB to get it done because 1. it's cheaper and 2. my mom's paying for it. Yay.

Told ya it was going to be bimbotic.

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Yea Siew Yee won't be hurting your poor-computer-bound eyes anymore. Haha.

Feeling slightly unsettled these days but yet I can't exactly pinpoint why. Classes are whirling past me and I am starting to get confused. Things are happening around hall and I am confused by that too. In fact, I am confused by things happening around me in general. There is this general sense of worry but I don't know what it's about.

Grah. Might as well just return to Wordsworth.

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I think I shouldn't have linked my title picture to this other place. Anyway the picture's gone so I was looking for another picture to take its place. Could only find this blue one so far and yeah I changed the whole thing to blue.

I still want to find a nice purty pink one. Muahaha.

The weekend approaches. Yay.

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I just came back from a tutoring session at Salvation Army near hall. Was assigned to this 16-year-old girl who is a slow learner. My job was to tutor her in English today - Primary 3 English. Throughout the lesson, she was telling me a lot about herself, albeit her slight lisp.

In a nutshell, her father was hospitalised last Friday because he has a brain tumour, she has an elder brother who is working but always causing trouble in the family, she and her elder sister are very close and do everything for their father, she has gotten abused by her foster parents before and yes, she has appeared in court before because of family stuff. Straight from a TV drama you say? But it really happened to this girl.

What I admire about her is her constant diligence and faith. Even though I've only spent like 1.5 hours with her, she was very earnest about her work, wanting to do more and more. Throughout the conversation, she was telling me that she loves her father a lot and she'd do everything for her dad.

As she told me, "I told my sister, father won't die. We must have faith. God won't let him die." My heart literally broke for her. Also, she was telling me about an obstacle course that she attended recently in Perak. There was one part where she was supposed to jump down or something and she was really afraid. However, she told herself not to be afraid as God won't let her fall.

Here was a 16 year old girl whom one would consider to be short changed in many ways - and she is the one telling me things with such faith in God. I admire this girl, I truly do.

On another note, as I was helping her with her English just now, we were doing this particular segment where she was supposed to replace certain words with its synonym. I wasn't very comfortable with one of the sentences:

Lily met a (insane) woman on her way to school.

So what is the synonym supposed to be? Crazy? That was the only word I could think of at the point of time but.....I hate it if kids go around calling people 'insane' or 'crazy'. Editors of these assessment books really need to be more careful if you ask me.

Oh well.

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After a long absence, I finally went back to church's dance group. Was pleasantly surprised to see many people there. However, I wasn't too ready for what was ahead of me - they were working on a new piece which was - let's just say that I was not completely ready for it. Many ballet terms, many recognisable ballet moves but yet many modern elements to it. I was turning left, right, jumping in the air and landing on the ground without exactly being sure what the entire choreography was all about.

Anyways - only 4 people are involved the actual performance so hehe - I am just going there the following weeks to continue learning :)

After dance I went back to hall and entered hall via the dance studio way - and saw the dancer-hopefuls going through DP auditions. At that point of time - I so wanted to grab my leg warmers and go back into the dance studio! But I was reminded AGAIN of the 6 nights of dance, the neverending piecings and more importantly - the free time that I was craving so desperately for.

Chris was telling me that I'd regret if I didn't do DP this year. However, I'd like to try out this year without doing any ad-hoc stuff. Not to say that I was prominent or anything (nowhere near that) but it feels kinda good to take a backseat in everything this year. Though, as Justin said, you'd feel that you 'should' join SOMETHING.

Nope. Will not let anything move me. Then maybe if I really DO regret, I'd do DP during 4th year - when my grades are back up on track :)

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When I am stressed I shop, clean my room or I change my blog's layout.

I have done 2 of the above today - the former and the latter.

Technically it's only the 2nd week of school, I shouldn't be stressed out. But I suppose at this point of time (12:45am to be exact) when I haven't done tomorrow's readings and I still have 5 articles to edit - a.r.g.h.

School's fine so far. I like my modules - could have never honestly said that in the past semesters. But this semester also equates to a heavier workload - more assignments, more studying on my own.

I will survive. I will survive school, articles which I detest and phoney 'free size' clothes.

I suppose I should explain the above statement.

I have a thing for pretty dresses and skirts and t shirts - in short, I love shopping. So as I was at Far East last week, spending a couple of hours at the 2nd hand bookstores (found another gem - Books Galore bookstore!), I decided to take a look at the shops around, which sell cheap but pretty decent women's clothes. Again, I forget that it's near impossible for me to shop for non-departmental store, non-label clothes in Singapore. Why?

Everything comes in XS, S and at the most M. Many times, when I am told that the 'largest size is M', I wonder - why bother putting it as M? Just label M as L and tell me that 'the cutting very small, miss'.

That, and the fact that 'free size' is NOT and NEVER will be FREE size. I walked into this shop and was looking at this rather pretty cotton dress. Asked for a Large and the lady informed me "This one is free size. But you cannot wear la, too small for you", complete with a frown and vigorous head shaking.

Can we sue clothes manufacturer for discrimination against big girls around here?

It's back to Factory Outlet Store for me, and I am reminded again that I love Zara and other such labels because they don't carry only S, M and L. And please do not even get me started on the issue of SHOES.

On another note, I went to Holland Village on the same day and was relieved to see that the shops there displayed clothes that were either my size or clearly bigger. For the non-islanders, Holland V is widely populated by expatriates - hence the bigger sizes.

Argh. Am turned off by shopping momentarily.

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Looking at my EHOC clipboard - the papers on it - scribblings of cheers orders, programme execution timelines, freshmen contacts - knowing that all these are truly over - I feel relieved but yet I have this odd feeling that wants this to go on.

Part of me wants my life back when I can go out whenever I want, sleep in as much as I want. The other part wants to remain in EHOC mode, where we are all still doing work, still aiming to perfect our work, still looking at our float and gaping with awe at its wonder, knowing how much work has gone into it, still being nervous for flag as they work while others are catching up.

We knew that our float was GOOD this year - the float and the presentation - we knew it was GOOD. As we reached SRC and saw the other halls' floats, something inside me told me that we DO have a chance this year - we DO! After our presentation which was just PERFECT - I couldn't help it but I was just so convinced that this was our year - the year that we were winning everything.

Then when the results were announced for Best Float Design, half of me thought it was going to be SH but the other half told me that hey, EH has a chance here! But no - it wasn't either. Quickly scanning around, I saw equally puzzled, disappointed and nervous faces. Overall Best Float - and we didn't get it again - I saw many questions forming on everyone's faces. Perhaps, we weren't the best - but the fact that we lost out to TH who was obviously not up to their usual standards this year, and that for once we felt that we were better than at least them - that hurt. However, the overall Rag and Flag Shield is ours - and is remaining with us. Like last year, it is knowing that we won it but something was still missing.

I may never be an official part of EHOC again but EHOC will always hold its place in my heart. Go Eusoff!

Argh.

Despite everything - I am still very much looking forward to having my life back. Am looking forward to school, looking forward to scouring the 2nd hand bookshops at Far East, to the weekday window shopping trips, to the midnight jogs (which will hopefully be at least a bit more frequent this year?).

Yup, Sze is back!

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By this time tomorrow Eusoff Hall shall know whether the Overall Vice Chancellor Shield and Flag Shield is back with us - and whether the Rag Shield will be back to us again after the much-too-long absence.

I confess - I am scared - but I know that we are doing GOOD this year!

On another completely unrelated note, as I am gathering my readings (cue to go "You big kiasu geek!") for the new semester, the old feeling of homesickness is kicking in again. Reading Jia-yi's post about Manglish makes me want to go back and hang out at Persanjung until the wee hours, laze on the couch watching Astro and walk around Jusco and Parkson until I know the exact position of every single clothing. Granted that I get my fair share of Singlish and Manglish here (slightly too much at times though), seeing Jan and co, my family for the past 2 weeks just made me want to hop on the next bus home.

I don't know. Technically the stress period is over - I usually feel this way when I am especially stressed - but I need to go home. Really really badly. And knowing that I won't be able to leave this place until the 2nd December really really sucks.

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