s w i r l * h e r e
before my head really hurts.
Friday, January 31, 2003

I AM HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This time...it really does feel ultra super extra good to be home...to be away from all the pressure and stuff at hall. :) I feel great !!!

Was looking through the pictures we took during the Christmas party and what fun we had.......it's funny how people's attitude can change within days...for my own good....I shall not dwell on the problem...will instead concentrate on the important.....studies....and THAT....

Ernie can talk a lot these days......I am so so glad !!! Can really have a normal conversation with him....I think that kid really does miss me...

Hmm....been spending this two days at home.....haven't seen anyone yet.....but might pop over Paul's place later....tomorrow is the 1st day of New Year....should be meeting some relatives......then Sunday will be visiting with Jan and co....meeting with Puy Jean Ling and Nisha....Monday will be with the AMCians and the other reunion......Tuesday I will have to head back......

I feel very heavy hearted now to think of going back to hall....it's really dreary to think of them ..... but there is my dear dear to look forward to !!

posted at 6:36 AM by sze

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Monday, January 27, 2003

Been feeling really really BOXED IN these days.......I can't seem to live through one day without a cell member asking me ( specifically that few ) how Justin and I are.....and today I got a mini lecture from Cindee about how I know I did wrong and still continue and that the problems will start knocking on my door soon.

I am sick of people telling me how I should behave as a Christian. I am sick of the people who tell me that they are supporting me and are in fact the exact people condemning me. I am sick of knowing the fact that ultimately they just want to see me break up with him. Then they can play the role of Christian support and all that.

Blah.

On Sunday as I was leaving for church and as Justin was sleeping...I suddenly thought to myself....what if for the next 20 years or so of my life we'd be separated only cos of different beliefs. After all these happening.....there is slim chance of him even THINKING of it. But I want so much for him to see how good my God has been to me...

Anyway...I really don't know how to go about doing the essay. As much as I enjoy my Lit classes, I am always at wits' end when it comes to writing my essays. I think it is mainly cos I really do feel inadequate compared to the other students. I have been procrastinating too long. Shall really work on it tomorrow...

posted at 9:37 AM by sze

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Monday, January 20, 2003





what decade does your personality live in?


quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd



posted at 11:33 AM by sze

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Friday, January 17, 2003

Feeling quite down at this point. Probably because I am just tired....having come from supporting squash and Funkamania and then handball.

Probably it's not because of that.

I keep telling myself not to think thoughts like that.....thoughts that only destroy and doesn't build one up.

I just want to take a shower and bury myself on the bed.

posted at 6:52 AM by sze

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It is now that I am really feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do this semester. A quiz on Greek tragedies this coming Tuesday and an assignment on Sleepy Hollow due the week after. That plus the readings before AND after every class. And all the upcoming quizzes and whatnots. PLUS dance practices and other hall stuff.

Oedipus seemed boring at first but as I read....I was enthralled. Will finish it today.

I will mug this semester.


posted at 12:24 AM by sze

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Thursday, January 16, 2003

Cindee came over yesterday to ' talk to me and hear my opinion'. Turns out that she really wanted to talk about Justin anyway. As expected.

To cut the whole long story short, she tells me that the full comm are totally behind me and will not condemn me as the churches would. However, I am not officially out of the leadership consideration list and the mentor programme.

Am I backsliding these days? I haven't been spending time with God that is for sure. When I made the decision to be with Justin I had told myself that whatever it is I cannot let myself backslide. Whatever I am doing now....the reason why I am here.....is all because of Him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am still kinda perplexed....why is it that I am always the one who is in the wrong?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Am very worried about studies now. I have the free time but I am not studying as much as I should. Turned up in American Lit today without reading the assigned text.....felt completely lost. Therefore...I need to finish reading the assigned parts of Oedipus before I go for class tomorrow.

I wanted to make a fresh new start. And I should be working towards it now....

posted at 5:37 AM by sze

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Sunday, January 12, 2003

Haven't been updating regularly....I suppose it's because everything has been falling into its routine and I havent' actually had much time nor space to THINK much.

Anyway, I am loving....and sure hope that I will continue to .... all the subjects I am taking this semester. Determined not to repeat the embarassment of last semester and perform much much better this time......will STUDY !!!!!

Yesterday was a good day out with Justin.....just miss those days before we were 'together'....how we'd take long walks and all that....yesterday we were too tired I suppose but just loved being out in town just with him.

New week starting.......it's school and dance and dance and dance these days........

posted at 8:25 AM by sze

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Saturday, January 04, 2003

Today's shopping trip was A LOT more enjoyable than yesterday. Suppose after a good night's rest Phing was back to her normal self. Had a great sister day out today at Orchard.

At the beginning of today I was rather down...hence my last entry.......plus knowing again that I couldn't get upgraded. I badly need my personal space for a lot of things. *sigh* suppose I'd have to wait another semester....

But now, having come back from shopping and dinner...yea I feel good :) DESPITE seeing that bag at Esprit. :)

posted at 6:13 AM by sze

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Friday, January 03, 2003

Came back from Ipoh yesterday. The trip was really good ... of course....had Justin by my side ! I was actually quite surprised that Mom and Pa took our relationship so well. Kind of pity Justin though....had to meet so many of our relatives and my friends.....it was really really overwheliming.

The more time I spend with him the more I realise that I really can't help but love him. Everything that he does........this is very very scary......

Spent the day at Bugis and Suntec yesterday with Phing. She was tired and I suppose I couldn't complain about that but now I fully understand why Mom always complains about her being unresponsive and stuff. I'd really wanted to make this trip a goodie trip for her but.......I suppose I have to make the best out of what I have now.

And what I have isn't much. Apart from the cash Dad gave me and that 100 bucks in the bank which I will no doubt use up in a couple of day....dont' know how I am going to see through this month. Will survive I know.....when Phing goes back......it means I can't go out of campus this month.....not until the money from the loan comes in....which is in February. I hate this feeling and knowing that I am constantly under a financial constraint....something which I have never exactly experienced until I came here....

Really hoping for the tutoring job to come through. I first thought that IF I get it...one would be enough.....but I think I'd need one more.....this coming semester is going to be hard I suppose. Really mean to study this semester, plus tutoring jobs, plus juggling all the hall activities.....gotta get myself going. It would probably mean less time to spend with Justin.....gosh I feel so bad about it.

Sometimes when I sit down and think.....if I can't give Justin all the things that a girlfriend should.....am I wasting his time....should I have said yes in the first place without considering all these? Am I at a suitable time in my life to be involved? We sort of started during the exams and now it's the hols, of course i have all the time in the world to be with him. I know both of us will be busy when the semester starts, but I have a feeling I'll be the more busy one. I won't be able to give as much to him as I can now.

But I have come to a point where I simply can't let him go now. or rather, a point when I can't leave him.I love every single part of him ... just for him being him. I just hope that problem between Pete and I won't happen this time. If it does, I suppose I just have to see him go. I don't think any guy could take it. Maybe he could but he could have other girls who are able to give him better things that I ever could.

posted at 7:16 PM by sze

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the girl


sze-lyn
doodler
procrastinator
part time nerd
part time bimbotic shopaholic


Last 10
And so it is.
Cos I am already sick of NIE canteen food
Still learning, after all.
Gah.
1 Tuesday night 2 weeks since we've met up 3 hours...
So, stuff have been happening
The only thing that kept me from bursting out in l...
Broken Bridges, anyone?
Weekend, good.
When shall we three meet again?



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