Okay, this time I allow everyone to snigger and laugh at me - I sprained my ankle while lying down on my bed. But....but...but....it was my bad ankle *pleadingly*

Well, actually what happened was that I was about to wake up on Friday morning and as usual, I was stretching my body, turning my ankles when I felt that familiar ache on my left ankle. Immediately, I went *dang* - I'd gone and done it again. It really does hurt when I walk as I can't lift up my foot properly. Doesn't help that I have dance practices 7 days a week, starting tomorrow. Grarrrrrr.....

So what have I done to celebrate my post-exam-ness? Hehe....nothing on my list so far but it has been quite pleasant. Justin's mom and his little sister Jamie are here in Singapore for a week's holiday and we met up with them for dinner and a walk at Orchard Road right after my Renaissance paper on Friday. It was nice ;)

Then on Saturday I had a Ridge editorial meeting ( ARgh deadlines! ARgh stupid writers who give you lousy articles ! Argh writers who do not know the meaning of DEADline and that it is not DATEline !! ) followed by a leisurely afternoon of completing "Neighbours From Hell" with Justin. THEN we met up with his mom and sis for a sushi dinner and attended this senior citizen's concert - in which his aunt and uncle took part in.

It was quite cool actually, watching those aunties and uncles and ah-mas and ah-gongs all dressed up, singing - or rather - performing, for the first time in their lives on a stage. Although I didn't really know the songs they were singing, it was heartwarming to see so many family members turning up to support their grandma, grandpa, mom or dad and so many little kids ran on stage to give flowers to their grandparents! It was indeed a pleasant experience ! :)

And today was a car wash day ! Wasn't feeling that great - cos of my ankle - was limping a bit but I reckon we did quite well - raked in about $1200. *phew* - last car wash for the year - for my entire Eusoff life?

Grar. This is just a mundane update. More later :)

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That was what I felt as I stepped into D322 last night, after nearly a week back home. It seemed familiar and yet I felt distant from it, to the point I was a tad dizzy trying to figure out where I was. I had never experienced such a feeling before, even after longer periods of absence. Perhaps this is because D322 truly shouts "SZE-LYN!" ( yea along with its messiness ), unlike my old double room - and this was the first time that I had left my room for home.

But yeah, I have finally unpacked this afternoon ( did I ever mention that I HATE unpacking? ) and sat for the American History paper. It was that kind of paper that you just KNOW that you didn't do well as you drop it into the box. Screw it. It's English Renaissance this Friday and I'll regain my freedom from 430pm onwards. Should be going to JB if all things go well.

I should be studying for my Lit paper but yet I've been surfing for various courses for disability studies at universities everywhere. Talk about priorities huh ? :) One part of me wants to do a postgrad degree in Lit. Another part wants to do a degree / diploma in disability studies, specifically on autism spectrum disorders, after graduation. Another part of me sighs on the fact that I can't have both.

Oh well, I'll just check out whatever I can for now. Parents not that keen on me pursuing another degree - they want me to finish my 3 year bond ASAP. In fact they want me to stay in SG. They didn't look too pleased when I announced that I might want to return to Malaysia after finishing my bond. But it's a good few years away. It's only my 3rd semester and I am crying out in pain ( then again, I blame it on math ).

On another note, it was kind of funny watching Andrew move out of his room and Ron talking about moving out by Sunday. I have suddenly come to the realisation that many more familiar faces will not be around in hall by the time our third year arrives. It's weird. It would be weird walking through my wing and not see Angela / Sihui, walk through C4 and not see Janus or Ron or HuiSiang and many others elsewhere.

On ANOTHER note, I am hooked on this game Neighbours from Hell Check it out if you can - it's nothing spectacular but it's fun to play when you are bored - you just keep thinking - now how do I do the next prank?

Should go back to Milton now....grar.....

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What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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I have always been slightly claustrophobic. How slightly? Well, when I watch a scene on TV where the girl gets tied up - I can't breathe as well. I love shopping but give me 10 minutes in Zara or MNG during their sales - I'd develop a massive headache and need to get out. When I sit at D322 too long - I'd need to at least walk around - go to B420 to play some comp game and then return to D322 after I've recovered.

But being in Ipoh is great - you look up and actually see the sky - not some building covering parts of the sky or some person's window or something. I come out of my front gate and I see green hills and a nice park with kids playing on the swings, boys playing football, young people jogging and old men walking their dogs. I can see further than 2 km away without being blocked by some building.

People can say that Ipoh is backward and boring ( yea sometimes it's true ) - but nothing beats its tranquility just when you need it :)

Didn't study today - attempted to start on American history - weak attempt :) Woke up in the morning to have my fave noodles at Ipoh Garden Easy - then bought a top and a pair of jeans at Jusco ( all this within a span of 2 hours ). Came back and lounged around, trying to read but the TV was too tempting :) Later in the afternoon fell asleep as I coaxed Ernie to give me a massage. Had a great dinner at home - then went shopping with Phing - and bought earrings :) Then spent 2 hours just now watching Evermore vcd with mom.

Ha. Bimbotic day. But I enjoyed it :) Will study now.

p/s I've accomplished at least ONE item on my to-do list at Ipoh - cycling :) I wanna bring my bike to hall!!!

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Things to do w.e.f 28 November 2003
- go downtown to see something else other than the red brick walls of Eusoff and the horribly drab grey walls of the examination halls. I don't need to shop. I only need to window shop.
- Walk along River Quay at night and check out the vibrance of the night scene, which is of course much contributed by the angmohs. Maybe stop by Crazy Elephant?
- To take a stroll around City Hall area and walk all the way down to Orchard.
- Flea market at Clarke Quay.
- Go running.
- Go swimming.
- Browse through used bookshops - got any suggestions? in SG?
- To sit and read at Borders and Kino.
- Eat ice cream at Parkway Parade and dinner at the market place.

That's all I can think of so far. The reason why they are all do-in-SG stuff are because I'll be stuck in SG most of my holidays. Grah.

Things to do in Ipoh:
- Go to "Dai Shu Giok" ( literally translated as "Big Tree Foot" or "Under the tree"), eat the yummy porridge and relive my F6 days.
- Onn Kee hor fun.
- Dessert at Indulgence with a good friend for an afternoon of gossip and fun :)
- Shopping for groceries at Jusco with mom and sis and Ernie ( can I omit him for this part? hehe )
- Take Ernie out for ice cream and bookshop outing.
- Drive up to Sitiawan for seafood.
- Sit at church and just catch up with people.
- Make bread. I miss my bread machine at home.
- Go shopping with Sze-Phing at Jusco and Parade while secretly laughing at every fashion victim that passes by ( It can happen quite frequently at Ipoh)
- Have dim sum breakfast with Dad.
- Cycle around the neighbourhood behind Ernie who will be on his scooter.
- Go running.
- Go swimming and then have the very yummy chicken burger served at Meru.
- Laze on the couch and watch Oprah on Starworld ( that's the right Astro channel right? I haven't been watching TV for so long!)
- Rent HK serials and watch 6 vcds a day ( reminiscing my post-STPM days)


I won't be able to do all that within the span of 18 Dec - 3 Jan. And notice that a lot of these involve food. I can't help it. I am deprived here. OR rather, I refused to acknowledge good food in SG because I miss home so much. Okay I admit that tau foo fah at Geylang is better than the one served at Magic Mountain in Ipoh. But nothing beats an afternoon of shopping with mom and Phing and Ernie followed by a trip to Magic Mountain.

Must. concentrate. Ron is right. We get lost for this module. Oh well. This time tomorrow I'd be at home!!!!

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Is it me or is it just an Asian thing that you are always expected to downplay your , for the lack of a better word, achievements? Before you go for a paper, everyone compares how many hours they've slept the night before and if one says "Oh I sleep 12 hours the night before" and everyone goes "WAHHHHH". Then after you finish the paper you are supposed to say, "Oh it was very hard I didn't know how to do it and I didn't know what to write" ?

I am seriously sick of all these. It started back in AMC when everyone was as pretentious as that - well for the exception of maybe Sharon ( that's why I love that girl so much *muaks*) and another precious few. Everyone would be like all grim and oh it was a terrible paper. Then everyone would get A1s and I vividly remember one occasion when I failed my Biology paper (common for me - that explains why I am in Lit and not in Biotech like everyone else now ) the girl next to me went, "Argh I just needed one more mark for A1!" and when I failed my Add Math ( In the end I got an A1 for SPM *basking in self glory*) this particularly evil classmate came up to me and said "Aren't you already used to failing?"

Anyway, it was better back in RPS cos well, General Studies and Economics were very much essay / mugging based and it was quite ok (thanks to AMC who set my mugging base ) - Literature was through private tutoring and my tutor was wonderfully stingy regarding marks - and Math was....well Math was Math.

Now in uni, one would expect all these self-put-down to be over right? I mean, everyone's aged 20 or so, would have had enough of school experience right? No......this morning before I sat for my Travel Lit paper, there was this bunch of significantly older students taking this Econs paper ( they were sharing our examination classroom ) comparing the amount of hours they were sleeping. Then after my paper today, I reflected that I didn't do that great a paper ( more on that later ) and in short, I got shot down.

It's not my fault that I may be able to get better grades than some. Pardon me for sounding arrogant but when my grades are not as great as others, I do not put them down unknowingly by giving "at least you are not like me" statements. I don't know about others but it makes me feel as if I owe others if my grades are that slightly better. On my part, I might have made a mistake by discussing academic matters with people whom I know will take me a tad too seriously.

But still I feel I don't have to say " Argh I didn't know what to write" when in actual fact I did manage to come up with 5 pages of crap for each essays.

Okay. Rant over.

Travel lit was...Oookkkaaayyy lar.....as in, I could get the big picture but could hardly capture all the details that were required. Also I had the problem of trying not to repeat the texts for both questions. But it went fine.....no A in sight but should be able to manage a B or maybe *fingers crossed* a B+.

Suddenly, what Justin brought up the other day crossed my mind. He said "Uni is a place for people to make mistakes". I am not sure whether it is a place FOR us to make mistakes but it certainly does allow several errors here and there. As I was walking back to my room just now, I realised that I HAVE made mistakes in my academic path these past 3 sems - and they sound pretty trivial and bimbotic haha.

Sem 1 :
- Made the ultra big mistake of arranging 2 exam papers in one day, resulting in having to sit for 5 papers within 3 days, albeit not consecutively.
- Didn't study hard nor take studies seriously enough (that's another story altogether *wink* )

Sem 2 :
- Made the mistake of signing up for an 8am class which I never bothered to attend. But the end result was ok lar - but it cured me of taking 8am classes ever again.

Sem 3 :
- This hardly needs explanation : Math. To be more precise : Linear Algebra 1. To be even more precise : Linear Algebra 1 with about 300 other PRC scholars who thrive on Math.

Ah well. Will. Choose. Wisely. Next. Sem.

MATH, HERE I COME!!!

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In about 12 hours time, I'll be sitting for my first paper of AY2003/04.

I am not stressed about it - which actually freaks me out a little. I can't say that I've mugged my head off for the paper and neither have I paid much attention to this class - I just sorta tuned out. Have read through all the texts and made little notes here and there. I don't even know whether I am prepared.

Dr. Ravi, my Travel Lit lecturer said this a couple of weeks ago : When you finish your paper on 15th November, you'd probably forget whatever you've learnt in this module.

That thought has actually been bugging me for some time. I've done 6 literature modules at NUS to date and I couldn't help but feel that they were all 'survey' courses. Take Renaissance, which I am doing this semester, as an example. The English Renaissance has such a rich literary heritage and what we have been doing this semester has just been about the personal struggles the 6/7 writers have during the Renaissance. But I am going away yearning for more, cos I know there is so much more to learn. This was the same thing that happened to Asian American literature last semester - this sem as I was helping Boon and Serene with it, as I was reading Gish Jen's books, the critical instincts that were planted within me throughout the module last semester just went *blink**blink*

So is that what university education is all about? Shove you with a whole lot of stuff, make you study and find out more on your own, decipher what the lecturer / tutor wants out of you, sit for the exam while regurgitating all that you've taken down in your lecture notes - and after that it's up to you whether you would want to pursue the matter more?

Not too sure about other subjects...but take English for example. What we've learnt in 1101 ( the intro course) was quite essential when I took Social Variations in English this semester. But this somehow doesn't seem like quite the case with literature.

Gah. But it's Travel Lit tomorrow. For the past week as I was studying for it I've been to Turkey, Europe, old Malaya, Antigua, East Africa and South America. Tomorrow morning is when I'd have to displace my mind to all these places.

And yea, I ramble.

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At 2:30am this morning, 11 girls
and 2 guys gathered to watch a performance put up by the sky : Lightning :) It was amazing, the way it lighted up an entire cloud for the few seconds and went back to 'nothingness' ( Argh, Dr. Turner's words coming back to me : Nothing is something but something can still be nothing....). Earlier, Boon, Serene, Sihui, Andrea, Steph and I were at B block (*thanks Steph for the delicious curry - eating chicken curry on a cold night is GOOD), watching the same spectacular display with the B4 guys and the A3/4 people opposite us.

I captured about 5 mins of the glory on my digicam. Now...if only I can find a program to obtain stills from my clip....it'd be a wonderful desktop wallpaper :) Or a calendar picture :)

I'd like to think of last night's show as God's way of telling us to take a break from exam blues, to just sit still and realise again his amazing works on the earth. It was refreshing for me...and I am ready to go again.

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Couldn't concentrate on my Math and decided to do something to this blog.

I am happy. Yes, it has my bimbotic pink there :)

It's back to Math. But I am happy :)

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Argh. Bad BAD day. Just cried for reasons unknown even to myself. I suppose everything just came together, combined with the pressure of the finals. And maybe Justin's right - my life is too revolved around hall. I don't know what to do about it - Hall was the first place for me to make friends and while I am quite ok with my church friends, somehow things don't quite click. Unlike back in CGMC where I was just so comfortable with everyone.

Then again, it's back in CGMC. I practically grew up there. What I am today is mostly attributed to what I learnt and experienced there. But I am not at CGMC now. And will not be for a long long time.

But quite glad that the girls came in to my room just now - I know that they wanted to cheer me up. And dinner tonight was good so that's another consolation. :)
Thanks girls......girlfriends are good :)

I need to relocate the Sze-Lyn who is confident and wakes up every morning truly to a fresh new day with no mistakes in it yet. ::Mental note to self to bring Anne series back from home::

My eyes are sore. Gah. Travel Lit is almost done I think - I am sick of reading the notes. Hoping to survive the paper still.

7 more days till I board the bus home. Wye Meng's going to be around. Tai lou going to be around. Jan is of course around. A lot of people are going to be around.

Going home to study? *fingers crossed*

But we are already making post-exam plans......

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Everything's back to normal again :) I am happy.

Very happy for a friend too. Hearing her talk made me really really happy for her. One could just see the happiness brimming through her voice, her eyes, her smile. Good for you girl !

And I am happy myself too! Justin just messaged me at about 5:15 over MSN - asking me whether I'd be free. So we skipped hall dinner ( not that it was much to skip anyway - yucks - ) , took a bus down to Geylang. But I still had no idea what was the good food that he wanted to eat there.

Then there it was - the buka puasa stalls. I was so happy! He heard me ranting about how great it'd be at Ipoh right now with all the buka puasa stalls - and he brought me there! We had quite a lot of food - quite good food in fact - I am so happy !

Haha - came back a very happy girl - now settling down with Math again......

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Maybe all that had happened around this time last year were just a figment of my imagination. Whatever I had imagined supposedly came true. It all wasn't real. I had let my imagination run away and had believed in it for an entire year.

I knew it was too good to be true. But I embraced it. Now I really know it was too good to be true.

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I am having bad vibes about my Travel Lit paper. The contents of the books don't seem to speak to me, like "Look at me! This is what you should be talking about when you are talking about me! Look! This is where it's problematic!"

No. Instead, I read the whole book and can only jot down general feelings. Sigh. Moral of the day? I don't know. Seriously don't know.

The old feeling's coming back. Don't know how to tell him. Tried to do what I've always wanted to do today but again I succumbed to the familiar feeling of worry.

I just want to finish studying, go home and crawl under covers.

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Ban on horror books which cause nightmares
BY AUDREY EDWARDS
PETALING JAYA: Horror books which have educational value and those which “do not give children nightmares” will not be barred from being imported and published.

This means that books by horror guru Stephen King and Anne Rice as well as children’s favourites such as the Goosebumps series and Harry Potter would not be affected by the decision.

Deputy Home Minister Datuk Chor Chee Heung said, however, applications to import and publish reading materials which “entertain by frightening” would be vetted on a case-by-case basis at the ministry’s discretion.

“Stephen King books are for adults. It is okay because his stories have been around for a long time.

“It is those local superstition stories – like the man cycling home and meets a beautiful ghost from the graveyard – which have no educational value,” he said, clarifying the government’s decision to no longer approve applications to import and publish materials “calculated to entertain by frightening.”

He had said on Wednesday that such books fell within the definition of mystery, mysticism, fantasy (khayalan), occultism (khurafat) and superstition (tahyul).

The ministry would not have any guidelines but those who were working on such works could drop by at its Publication Department for guidance, Chor said yesterday.

“We have come across many applications where they want to import or publish a series of articles on things like haunted houses or superstitious stories. When you read them, you can feel goosebumps,” he added.

On the children book series like Goosebumps and Harry Potter, Chor said such publications were allowed as they did not give children nightmares.

Malaysian Book Exporters and Importers Association president Kevin Sugumaran said importers needed guidelines on the matter.

“It is very vague. There are books which have chapters dealing in ghostly areas. Does a person have to check every book that is brought in?

“For imported materials, if there are guidelines then we could send them to publishers overseas,” he said.

He said that the association’s executive council would meet next week to discuss the matter.

Malaysian Book Publishers Association president Datuk Ng Tieh Chuan said the association would contact the ministry for further details.

“We need more clarification. We want to know what he (Chor) means by ghostly tales. And if he is referring to the local stuff, then it is a completely new issue and problem,” he added.

In Penang, NG SU-ANN reports that schools would be instructed to remove “unhealthy” books with “frightening” elements from their library shelves.

State education director Datuk Dawa Abdullah said: “Students also should not bring such books to school as they are deemed to jeopardise one’s mental being.”

“I will direct teachers to monitor the storybooks which the students bring,” he said at the prize presentation ceremony of Telekom Malaysia’s Erti Merdeka contest yesterday.

On another matter, Dawa said he has applied for a special allocation of RM800,000 from the Education Ministry to buy textbooks and replace the infrastructure in schools which were affected by the recent floods involving more than 4,000 students in Seberang Prai.



I'd be the one having nightmares after reading THIS piece of news. How do you define books which "do not give children nightmares"? I am scared of anything that is remotely "scary". At 11 years old, I got nightmares after watching Stephen King's "It" on RTM2. Got more nightmares after reading the book a week later. I went around being afraid of sinks and ditches.

Whaddhaya say about that?

And did anyone notice that all the "safe" books which "do not give children nightmares" are "Western" books? The next thing another cuckoo will say is to accuse the Malaysian government for being "pro-Western culture" because it is mainly books with "local superstitions", Hong Kong comics with violence ( Well that can be understood - there was a hooha over that in HK as well) that will be banned. He will say "Why are only the books with Asian elements banned? Are we promoting a Western culture here?"

*sigh* I swear these people wake up every morning wondering what to ban next in Malaysia. The next thing would probably be...oh...toy guns....because little boys will play robbery games. We must control our children's imagination and make-believe games. Childhood has more influence on a person's growth than you can imagine. Maybe ban Barbie dolls too. Because little girls will think that only physical beauty is important, judging from all the luxurious accessories that Barbie has. Again, little girls who play make-believe with Barbies will grow up thinking that only a small waist and figure hugging clothes will bring me a handsome husband, a nice house, wardrobe-full of clothes and a nice car.

I am so wasted here in university. I'd be brilliant in the government. Muahahaha....:P

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Well I DID fall asleep last night - from 11pm all the way till 3am. Apparently my neighbours were debating whether to close my door for me as I had fallen asleep with my door wide open - the Eusoff style haha.

Was playing with Bendi just now. I swear this is the only cat that I've had such affections for. The rest of them are just....grrraarrrr.....but Bendi is just simply adorable. She'd just lie back and let you stroke her tummy, pat her head. Then she'd close her eyes and stretch her body as far as it would go, lie back in what it seems to be a sigh of relief and contentment, and go back to sleep again. Be it on a cushioned chair ( like 10 minutes ago ) or when she is sun-tanning at the C-D bridge.

I want a cat too. Nah I've said that about a gazillion times I think.

In exactly 15 days, I'd be on my way home. In exactly 23 days, finals would be over. I actually think that I've grown immune to exams - to a certain extent. I just KNOW that I'd be better prepared mentally if not for LINEAR ALGEBRA 1 this semester ! Argh !

And it doesn't help either that the little problem is nagging me from behind. Do I? Or do I not?

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I am very very tired. Obviously need a shower to perk me up. Ugh. Hope it does.

Was pretty scared when Walter Lim handed us our Renaissance essays today. It was my 3 essay day when I handed it in and I was not expecting a good grade. But when I gingerly flipped to the last page of my essay and saw a red 'A' on it - I was overjoyed ! It meant a lot to me - obviously it will cement my chances of getting a better grade for Renaissance - more of a confirmation that this is really what I want to do :)

Now......it's Travel Lit and the American History essay that has gotten me into jitters. I am getting back the Travel Lit essay tomorrow. It was done in such a hurry - within 24 hours - I don't see myself getting a good grade for it. Just earnestly hoping for a B?

I seem to be thinking nothing but of exams these days. It's really freaking me out. And it's all thanks to Linear Algebra 1. I don't know how many times I've wanted to bop myself on the head for taking this killer subject. Obviously I had forgotten my struggles with Pure Math during STPM days. Argh.

Just finished the English project this evening. I really couldn't think logically for the project as we all seemed to be going round and round in circles. But Esther put everything together - she is really really good at it *phew* Just glad that THAT was done too. Now I really can set down to proper studying.

Although what I really really want to do now is to grab a hot shower and settle down in between my sheets for a good sleep......but the devil of Math is calling out to me......

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Pastor Derek prayed for those taking exams today. Brought back memories back in CGMC where all the PMR, SPM and STPM students would have to stand on the stage while the church leaders prayed for us. Today while we were praying, I prayed for something else too....

Justin and I went to Orchard today and yea I got the bag that I've wanted :) Not a spectacular *BOINGGGGG* kinda bag but it's practical and classic ;) I like it :p

Came back, saw my F5 autograph book, reading through it and felt hugely nostalgic. I miss people like Meng and Yuan the most. Saw Yen Yee's entry about all the things we used to do - the memories seem distant and blur but I miss them, the lab sessions, the meetings, the prep for Open Day, and every single school event which the few of us always seemed to be involved in ( Meng and I couldn't help it obviously...).......I used to think that I hated my days in AMC cos everything was so 'chinesey'....and that my days in RPS were the best.....but then now I think back, they were different experiences altogether.

In AMC I didn't have an exact clique ( save F2 year but that's another story) but I was just so close to Yuan. And I was close to different people in different ways. And I was really going through a growing up process then on how to handle my confidence ( either the lack of it or too much of it ), my personal relationships with people and just the way I brought myself. RPS was different because by that time I had already been quite sure of myself and bring close to Nisha, Puy Jean and Ling was the best thing that ever happened.

I hate it that we are all not so close anymore. Puy Jean and Ling are hanging out with different people. I am the only one with contact with Nisha. Ironically, it's the AMC girls that I am keeping in touch with now. It's hard when we are all physically so apart from each other.

ARgh.

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