I thought I'd be overjoyed to see my name in print in the Ridge.

I wasn't. I was just relieved. I don't know why.

I have got to stop these crying fits. Just got to accept things as they are.

FOCUS !

::::

Couldn't continue with my essay. Went on to stick photos all around my desk.

There is one of me with Ling. That KL trip was fun....brought back memories of shopping....and THAT guy.....forgot his name....big jerk!

Another one of me and Meng......last day of school....miss her so much...

One of Puy Jean and I taken on the last day of the Interact Conference. Remembering how close the 2 of us had gotten because of the prep for that night....how we were the only 2 people doing everything......how much fun we had......

One picture taken in the hostel room during the conference. Those juniors were exasperating but the way they respected Puy Jean and us....I don't suppose I'd have this kinda feeling ever again....

One of me and Nisha and Mary Ann. That was a good camp. Mike and I started talking. I got in touch again with the youths. Nisha and I got closer. I still miss her.

4 pictures of Ernie. One taken in Pangkor of him and Yan Yee, one taken during my 20th birthday, one of him posing in his post-Vidal Sassoon hairstyle, and one, my favourite one, taken in the old house of him and my teddy. I miss him the most the most. Had a good cry just thinking about my kid brother. That day he looked so so uncertain when he stood in front of my room. When he saw that it was me, he broke into the most beautiful smile in the whole world. I miss Ernie.

I also miss Phing. I miss those times at night when we'd just talk before sleeping.......I miss those times she'd whisper to me the antics of those childish boys.....I miss those times when we'd just go out shopping....trying on stuff.......

I miss Mom and Dad. I miss Mom for all those afternoon shopping, lunches, times in the kitchen, experimenting with something new, those times when we'd just laze around in the living room talking about everything. I miss Dad for those late night suppers and car rides. I miss him for the dinner time talks. I miss him while we watch TV together.

I've gotta focus. But I miss all these people so much. I feel like just going up to Ling or Puy Jean and hugging them and never letting them go. That day when I spoke to Ling on the phone I realised how much how much I've missed talking to her.

I don't know whether I'll ever find people like this here. Ling and Puy Jean and I and Nisha were close after getting to know each other for barely 3 months. Everything I do seem to be under scrutiny. It's hard to be completely myself like what I am with Jean they all.

Just remembered the jerk's name : Lai Ye Seong. His middle name should be JERK.

I need Ling and Puy Jean now. I need Ernie too.

::::

It's funny how the scent of something can immediately transport you back to that particular period of time. And you can't really pinpoint which event or the date of it....just that oddly familar feeling that you get when you smell that particular scent.

I realise now that I am a person who is sensitive to the sense of smell.

Need to complete essay. Need a good grade. Need to study.

Need to get this exam period over and done with.

::::

take free enneagram test

::::

I am so tired....but need to finish up the cross stitch by tonight...so I can do back-stitching tomorrow....then frame it by Monday....then go down to study proper....

Will be focussed.

Tonight was lovely. Went to Marche with Justin, Thi, Thomas, Ely, Annette, Marcus and his 2 friends David and Cheryl. Had a nice time....then after that....Esplanade.....Clark Quay...then Justin and I went to this little bar....

Can't we have 100% projectwork and assignments and just do away with exams? I think that'd be a more effective way to study then to just mug in the end of the semester for finals.

*sigh*

::::

Talking to Ling online now....it's ALMOST like the old days....talking non-stop.....about anything and everything.......just that we are not seeing each face-to-face and that Puy Jean and Nisha are not here.

I miss those days .... The reason why we were so close was because of just that....we'd say anything and everything....

Ling just told me : Sze...you know what...I have always thought that you were much too controlled by Peter back then.....I am glad that you have broken free now.....

They told me this before. Nisha has said more than once. Puy Jean always told me to reconsider. Ling always said that he wasn't for me.

But I learnt my own lesson. Am stronger now.

Ling said she'll try hard to make it back to Ipoh when I am back.

We were reminiscing about Form 6 days...talking about guys...now and then....

I miss them.

::::

New resolution : FOCUS on studying.

New resolution #2 : Stop being involved in situations where I am clearly not welcome anymore.

New resolution #3 : FOCUS !!!!

::::

I know it's none of my concern but I am still worried for Sarah.

I know that she knows how to take care of herself....but her attitude towards body images and all that....it scares me.

I am scared. And helpless.

::::

HE came by this evening with a big smile and plonked his books down next to me at the dinner table.

I am a very happy girl tonight.

I am acting like a silly schoolgirl. But the last time I had a crush on someone I was only 14 and he hardly knew me....with Mike...he made the first move and so did Pete......the lil thing I had for Mun Wah can be disregarded at all.

But I don't want to have a relationship with this guy. Just want to know him better. Honest. Cross my heart and hope to die.

::::

I seriously need to do well this semester. I know that I haven't been studying as much as I should or could. I know there is so much more I can achieve.

The fact that Mom and Dad are so worried for me is another added burden. Thing is, they are not worried that I won't study as opposed to what they used to think when I was in Form 6. Now they are super worried that I'd stress myself out. Mom called last night and asked me, " Are you very pressured? I saw you over the weekend and you seemed very stressed about schoolwork." She keeps telling me that my C's are okay.

The more they tell me that my bad grades are okay the more I feel bad cos I feel as if I have cheated them.

I need to focus.

::::

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

::::

After clearing up my mind..I think there are now 4 things which are bugging me. No, 5.

1. I haven't been spending enough time with God. I really haven't.

2. Studies ! I have been procrastinating.......

3. What happened this morning...doesn't really bug me now....but.....

4. Sarah.....she has been acting normal....I should too....kinda worried for her still.....funny attitude and all that.....

5. The less I see Shawn the more I react when I finally do see him. Like this morning. Grrr....

I am so obsessed with lists....only now I can see my mind mapped out.

::::

They left this morning. I walked into the checkpoint with tears in my eyes.

But I think I have pretty much gotten over homesickness since the last time I went home....I'll cope.....as Dad said this morning, I seem to have settled down pretty well in Singapore.

But my emotions haven't. As in, I am still as immature and unbalanced as ever.

I don't want to have people worrying about me.

But right now I really don't feel good.

Good things can never happen to me. Or rather, when they happen they will never last. I know I should be focussing on the present rather than the what-would-have and the what-ifs.........but I can't stop myself from thinking about them.

Right now, whatever good that is happening in my life....I am bracing myself to face the inevitable end of it.

::::

I can't wait for everyone to come !! I miss Ernie too too much !!

I am still helpless about Sarah. I suppose she really wants to exclude me from her life now. She mentioned that she has a headache and I messaged her to ask how she was and she said she was on her way to Orchard. Had it been Sarah a couple of months ago she would have told me who she was going with and what she wanted to get etc.

Louis also tells me that they discussed the 'high possibility' of Justin and I getting together and also that we are always missing on Sat nights and therefore it's impossible to get us to go out with them.

I told Louis that since Justin and I are out anyway we are just a phonecall away.

Anyway, I can't think of such things anymore. Right now...finals are the important thing.

::::

CULTURE NIGHT IS OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Finally I can get down to do some studying.

I haven't updated in a while....but don't really know what to say.

Just.....I am glad now that I can actually sit down and concentrate on studying.

Still being perasan over Shawn.

Still helpless about Sarah who wouldn't talk to me.

::::

Yes I went for the interview. But I don't think I can make it. Penny and Christine are way better pageant material.

Shawn went for the interview too. Somehow can't really imagine him going for photo shoots and all that. Hmm....

Kevin called me just now. We just got off the phone. He and Janice and the only 2 people from back home that I can talk to anytime and feel as if we have never been apart. I know that for a fact because Kev has been in KL for so many years and we have been so close.

I told him I missed him a lot. He told me not to fall for him. Idiot. :)

He also told me that Peter realised that he himself was acting like a fool when Justin came to Ipoh to visit. Dont' know leh......apparently Janice has filled in him with the whole story. Never thought that it'd be such a big thing.

They are just speculating whether Pete has a chance. But according to Kev he is going after Kaye Lynn again.

Peter told me that he is not going after Kaye Lynn anymore. He told me that a lot of times.

Doesn't make a difference.

::::

Just found out that I now weigh 60kg......my weight when I was 12. Suddenly feel a sense of accomplishment :)

Talking to Shawn online now......he is quite amiable now for a change.

::::

Ron just told me that Shawn was the one who first thought that the girl coupled with Justin's name in the John was me.

WHY?!?!?!?!

Li Hui just came up to me to persuade me to be one of the nominees for E block representative for the DnD pageant next year. This is soo....not me ! They are just getting me cos there is just no one else. Wan Rong and Daphne are already in the DnD committee. They are still persuading Chiew Leng and Penny is going for sure. Siwei will refuse to do so obviously.

It's just so not me. I have never been in their kinda league. Sounds snobbish but......yerrr.......they could just get Chiew Leng and Penny there and one of them get chosen then done.

Not the kind of attention that I want. Never been particularly confident about my physical appearance.....especially now that they are going to place me in the midst of skinny people.

No way.

::::

I really don't know what to do anymore.

Please don't compare yourself to others anymore. Everyone is special because that's how our Father intended us to be. Popularity and looks and all that are mere trivialities. They dont' count at all. It hurts to see you like that.

First we try to ask you what's wrong but you wouldn't say. But you persisted on being sad and gloomy and hating the world. We wanted to help but were pushed to the corner.

Maybe you really don't want me in your life anymore....but I am sure Justin is still very dear to you that's for certain.

Then do go to him. Tell him.....he will be there for you if you will let him be. It hurts a lot to see someone that you have special feelings for hurting like that. And I know that is what he is feeling right now.

It hurts the most when I try to care for you and be there for you but you still tell me to my face that nobody cares for you and that you have nobody to run to.

You always say that it's good that Justin and I have each other to run to. But we are here for you to run to too. Or at least, for you, Justin is there for you to run to.

You always say that what I am going through can never be as bad as what you are going through. I believe that it is so. And it will only be worse if you keep dwelling upon it.

You might say that it's easy to say all these because I have something to turn to.

Don't be like this anymore. It hurts to see you hurting like that.

::::

I feel very tired these days.

Call me cold call me whatever.

I don't know what else to do now.

I can only channel my care to you through Justin.

Whatever I do, it doesn't have to be a publicly announced event.

Whatever I do, you don't have to know that I care.

As long as I know I'm watching over you and am still here should you need anything to fall back on.

But you will never come to me anymore.

To you I am officially out of your life. Period.

::::

I remember a couple of days ago I asked why bad things always seem to happen one after the other.

And now good things are following each other so closely that it's almost scary. Shakespeare was right after all. And I don't think I'd hit rock bottom yet then.

Hmm......Should start with Thursday night......Got my Econs results. Considering the amount of work I put in plus the horrible morning of crying I had.....I got a 41/50 score. I was .... ecstatic !! :)

Then it was the bash. Don't know why but I just couldn't get high enough to really 'woo-hoo' all my way. But at least Sarah was like her old self that night and that put me really at ease. The dancing part was....all...right.......the atmosphere was okay.....and we went to the Esplanade after that !! That night was really good....all in all.....

Friday was fun !! Err.....went out with Yew Seng for dinner...reminded me again why I never really went out with guys back home. It's just the little quirks and just lil stuff here and there that....aarrgghhh don't know how to put it. I told Justin that he has spoilt me.

Then Chenfei brought Justin and I over to JB that night. THE FOOD !!!!!!!!! Not that JB food is particularly fantastic but then the fact that it's Malaysian food.....the small lil streets....the run down shophouses......the mosques....the whole atmostphere.......and the roti bom I had !! Felt so so so so so happy !!!

We had a good time in Chenfei's house...just hanging out....though I fell asleep relatively early...was super super tired after the bash and all that. Arrggh.

Went for bak kut teh this morning. It was all right......reminded me that the one in the upstairs-downstairs at South is better....though that stall always makes me think of Pete. But I shouldn't digress. :) Anyway after that we went shopping. Bought stuff which were quite unlike my usual style and Justin got me this skirt...which was really really flattering....I hope I will find lotsa occasions to wear it !

Came back and rushed off to LEEHOM's concert !! I NEVER NEVER thought that I'd go for his concert but there I was tonight ! It was really realy good......listening to him and seeing him performing live.

I feel sooo sooo spoilt.

I suppose the only downside to my perfect 3 days so far was that Sarah wasn't there with us. Just asked her how she was and she said all right. Then I told her that she should have come with us to JB but she just said that she didn't want to. Thing is before this she told me she wanted to go to JB. Then she told me that she had a lot of fun at Clark Quay last night and came back to hall at about 6am. But when I just asked her who she went with she just said " with a friend".

And now she just stopped the entire conversation. I am being very thick-skinned and am asking her what she is doing right now.

She replies "chatting".......

I am not asking for anything. But if what I am doing now is being cold towards her... I don't know what else I can do.

Like just now at the Esplanade I saw that she was looking really down so decided not to agitate her so concentrated on talking to Louis so she'd get to talk to Justin. I don't know what else to do but to act absolutely carefree and silly.

Just don't feel good. But can't let her see it.

::::

Had a good start to the morning.

Despite having slept at 3:30am last night, I woke up at 7:55am today as usual. Yay :) This is becoming routine.

So the usual.....went for breakfast.....read the papers......Rebekah came by and joined me......found out that I actually do know KhaiJun ( hehe ) .... came back checked mail and there was a nice cheery mail from Aunty Jeannie. Not the other Aunty Jeannie though....she seems to have disappeared. I wonder what she is doing these days.....rather worried for her as she is so obsessed about gym and hanging out and having 'her own life'. At least Mom is keeping out of her affairs.

And I didn't see him this morning. He came as I was leaving. Good.

::::

As opposed to my disturbed morning....the rest of the day was good :)

Had lunch with Rebekah where we really spent a lot of time sharing and stuff. Then we went on to her room with Boon joining us. Had a real girly talk session. Being with the D block girls......like Rebekah....Boon...Sarah-anne.....Serene......really brings me back to those times I used to have with Puy Jean, Ling and Nisha. We had a really good time today just talking and fooling around. And I also admitted to them that I haven't been feeling that great this 2 months. Just that.

Being with them really reminded me how much I missed having girlfriends. Ever since Sarah was acting that way to me I have been feeling very lost and I really didn't know where I belong. But I know Boon and Rebekah accept me as one of them. Apparently some girl who didn' t know me was talking bad about me to Boon....then Boon stood up for me saying that she was close to me.


Then I had a surprise at dinner time. I had packed my dinner cos I needed to go around sticking up notes for ECF and also to resume the cross stitch project. Then Rebekah called me up .. asking me to wait for her at the dining hall.

She bought me a gerbera to cheer me up.

I am very touched.

It was like that Sunday night when I saw Justin's gerbera at my door.

It's nice to feel loved.

::::

Didn't have a good start to my morning.

Was having breakfast with Huaizhi, Shawn, Kok Siew and Leonard. Then I asked HuiSiang whether it'd still be possible for me to go to JB past midnight on Friday. Then HE turned to me and asked me why I was going. Then I just said it was for shopping and for fun. Then he went on to say " wow what better time to go than 2 weeks before the exams right?"

After that he asked me whether I was nervous about the exams. I said....*what DID I say?*.....then he said " Or have you just simply given up?"

I want to cry liao. I never thought what he said meant so much to me. But it did hurt. I don't care whether he is going for the bash. I don't want to think about him at all.

::::

Mom just called. Asked me about schoolwork and I told her I am not doing that well.

She said just to do my best and that they never expected me to do that great for my first semester. Told me to use this time to get used to the whole system and try again in the next semester.

Which makes me feel incredibly touched.

And doubly guilty. Because I know this is not my full potential. I had the time and energy to study but I chose not to. I am a disappointment to my parents. And myself.

::::

This is NOT going to happen again. 8th October.....Sze-Lyn Poh says this.

I will study hard. I will not let what happened today happen again.

Because of the stupid test that I screwed up, I went for a bout of retail therapy....though the only thing that I really bought for myself was this necklace thingy. Bought the stuff to assemble Sarah's birthday pressie. Going to take quite some time but I suppose it'd be fun.

Sort of had fun today.....not thinking about anything else but what to get for Sarah. Which took my mind off a lot of things. Reminds me of what I used to do back home when I was frustrated with school......today I went to Jurong Point and came back to IMM....then came back to hall.....tired.....,but will be refreshed after my shower.

One note : Saw a Kancil today......it was green.......reminded me of Pang. I miss Jan and Pang.

::::

find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com

YES I AM THIS BORED......

posted at 4:47 AM by sze

::::

discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com

Spoiling me? Apart from Justin Kho I can't think of anyone who actually makes the effort to spoil me hehe....

posted at 4:46 AM by sze

::::

What revolution are You?
Made by altern_active


Feeling really really bored although I should be studying.

posted at 4:37 AM by sze

::::

When scorned, you are like a woman on the war path who takes no prisoners! But instead of violence, you vent your anger and hurt through beautifully crypted creativity that will have everybody talking and singing your praises! From your network of friendsand/or hot love affairs, you gain strength and you always come out on top as a more mature person. (oh and you dont mind the odd spank once in awhile either!!!) Which Era of Tori Amos are you?

He likes Tori Amos. A lot.

posted at 4:32 AM by sze

::::

Why do bad things always have to happen to you all at one go and always seem like a neverending wave?

Got a C+ for my essay on violence in Pinter. I know in my essay I had written pertinent points which Dr. Turner did mention about after we handed in our essays. I imagine that it would be more of my style that I lost points for. Lost my essay and I have to print out a backup copy for him. But for a C+......I am really really depressed about it.

Just that Literature is the subject that I am most interested in. Or rather....the ONLY subject that I can truly say I am wholly interested in. But I am not performing well in it. I haven't been putting the effort that I should. I'll never change my major because Literature was the reason why I am in university in the first place. I have already decided that I'll declare a single major in Literature and hopefully will be able to pick up and work my way to an Honours degree. Will take another Level 2000 module next semester......probably on American Lit or Film.

Okay that was number 1.

I didn't get it the emcee position. They narrowed the list down to 10 people and I imagine those people are really really good cos Kok Siew is in and he IS good. Apparently a lot of them are 3rd year students as well.........hopefully I'll get in next year.....cos they have kept quite a few of us for next year.

Then again I wasn't THAT eager about that job. As in...I wanted to get it because it'd be something new and fun.

Oh well....that will free my evenings up at least.

Number 3.....HISTORY TEST TOMORROW !!!! I can't expect meself to smoke my way through like the last time again. So should I go for tech class tonight? It has become such a ritual for me to attend tech classes and I really love them despite the fact that I make a huge fool out of myself all the time.

And it's the last tech class tonight. Aarrgghh.

I want to go but I shouldn't.

Sounds like what I feel for the idiot. He is not an idiot. But...aarrgghh.....I am the idiot who likes him but doesn't want to.

Starting to crap now.

posted at 4:17 AM by sze

::::

Sunday, October 06, 2002

Well....yesterday I suppose I couldn't take it anymore and I broke down totally completely in front of Justin. When Justin mentioned that Sarah felt that I was cold towards her I couldn't take it anymore. The past 2 months was like so horrible for me and to receive this kind of comment ..... I don't know. I don't recall crying so hard at all. The last time I cried so hard was probably the day I left Ipoh to come to Singapore. The day when I attended the MYF Praise and Prayer....when God reminded me to be a God Chaser. I don't think I even cried that hard when Pete and I broke up.

But I really couldn't take it anymore at that particular point of time and after I was done crying I felt an immense weight being lifted off me.

Things are still different. I know I can still never earn her trust back and things will never ever be the same again. But I will try. Whatever she has ever wanted me to do I have done. I have asked her to go shopping with me this week but she hasn't replied me yet.

This is the time for me to be completely thick skinned again.

Anyway yesterday I attended CAMPUS. I really like the atmosphere in there......the kind of promise youths hold. Arrghhh what am I talking about. Yesterday's message was on being righteous. One of the song goes " Our Father's arms are open wide / Salvation is by His side........" then the chorus was " I call upon the name of my Father / And I am saved ".

That reminded me again of how powerful the name of God is. When I was praying for Justin about the eerie thing he experienced.....I truly believe that somewhere...the devil is afraid because the calling of God's name will shake him.

As I was singing that song yesterday, I remembered the day I accepted Christ......1996.....an August afternoon I remember. Oh gosh....yesterday at that point I was transported back to August 1996 and I was in KMH with Shirley-Ann as she led me to the Sinner's Prayer. I can still remember clearly the vision I had.

I was on a grassland....with no trees nor anything......just a borderless piece of grassland and I was completely alone. Then I heard God say....."Even if the whole world shuns you, I will be there for you."

It was Sir's birthday yesterday and they brought Pauline and Baby Shayne along. Baby Shayne is so so so so adorable ! This is the kind of family that I want. It was a beautiful picture....the father on the stage singing praises to God and dancing.......the mother down there also singing and dancing while the little child was dancing as well.....

I want my children to know God and love Him .....

posted at 3:45 AM by sze

::::

Friday, October 04, 2002

I feel like crying right now but the tears are not coming. It really does hurt. But why can't I cry? I think I'd feel better after crying.

And I don't want to write it down.

Back to today.....Yuan emailed me to tell me that she is back from India. She has decided to go into law after all and she is currently into the 6th week of a 15 week programme. Gonna be a hell of a time for her. I was hoping that this wouldn't happen. But it did. Gotta call her and talk to her liao. Apparently she has only told Soon Chia and I about her return.

I need to call Yuan.

I still WANT to cry......why can't I?

posted at 9:52 AM by sze

::::

Thursday, October 03, 2002

Feeling very fed up all of a sudden. I can't pin point the reason.

Dont' feel like studying Econs. Don't feel like writing.

It's just my lousy sleepy mood.

posted at 11:22 AM by sze

::::

Hmm.....today I am beginning to feel a LITTLE more of the OLD me.

Slept very little last night.....or at least I FELT I slept very little. Went for breakkie then went for a very boring Chinese tutorial. *Yawn*

It was fun going out alone today.....although I was only going for the interview. It was a very good experience.....found Tanya Chua to be quite a down-to-earth person....really did have fun. Don't mind doing these assignments again !!

Hmm.....kinda worried......my Lit essay was supposed to be back today but I have no idea where it is !! Should be still with Dr. Turner but he says he couldn't find it. Aarrgghh. And Shalom has his History test back liao. I didn't study at all for mine. And I am getting it tomorrow. Ugh. Plus Sociology is going to be back next week. I hate this part of exams.

Told Sarah I was sorry.....through a very very chicken way......through email. I just couldn't face her. That's the coward I am.

Better go and do my article......my aim these days is to work and work and not THINK !

posted at 8:27 AM by sze

::::

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

I have a very empty feeling inside.

I shouldn't be feeling this way. Why can't I continue being the way I was for the past 2 weeks. It was good....just waking up......doing my work.....trying to do my best in everything......then fall to sleep. Without thinking too much.

Now I am feeling helpless again about Sarah. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should be positive as I always tell others to. I should give myself the dose of medicine that I am giving others.

First it was missing the PnP session with EVC. Then this morning I forgot to set the alarm to attend my audition. It is not like me to miss appointments. I pride myself in never doing that.

Tomorrow is a fresh new day with no mistakes in it yet. I am going to make a clean slate of today as well. After listening to the Tanya Chua's interview....I am going for CG....then come back to study my Econs......get ready for tomorrow's interview as well.

Szelyn is not going to dwell on unnecessary thoughts. I know something is working against me. I am not going to allow it to. I am not going to allow negativity to hit me because I know this is the way he works.

posted at 6:11 AM by sze

::::

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

Right now I have that boxed in feeling again...

Last night I admitted to Justin that I am seriously bothered over Sarah. I don't know what else to do. It was my fault in the very first place and she has never meant to hurt me in any way. This is the first time in my life ever that I had to pay so much for my mistakes.

That feeling that have lost......Being stressed......is slowly creeping back in. I am not going to allow that to happen. This is not a time for me to be stressed.

posted at 7:54 PM by sze

::::

Hmm.....last night was quite scary.

Started off when I left my room thinking I'd just pop by E3 and E4 to distribute the EVC leaflets. Saw Chang Jeh in the E3 lounge and I started sitting down to chat with him. Unknowingly I had spent nearly 2 hours in there.

Thing is I didn't bring my handphone with me and Justin wsa frantically looking for me and getting all worried.

I felt really bad about it.

Thing is, it brought back a lot of bad memories for him regarding his friend and what happened to him at the function hall last night was scary and bone-chilling too. The devil is obviously starting his work on us. For Justin is this kinda scary thing. I have never seriously gave these a second thought until last night. It occurred to me how important it was to keep so close to God at this point of out lives.

When Justin related his experience to me last night I was really scared. Recalled what Alicia and co. experienced at Rose Villa those years ago. I have always thought that spiritual warfare would be an area that I'd never have to get involved in. But it IS happening now and it's very scary. I felt very alone last night when I thought about it. I need support but I am not exactly willing to tell the entire cell that I sense something is happening in the spiritual realm. I wouldn't have told them about Justin's experience but just that I don't feel that my spirit was at peace last night when I learnt about it. I prayed for peace within us.

God, this I really really cannot do alone. I need to give it to You.

posted at 7:50 PM by sze

::::