s w i r l * h e r e
before my head really hurts.
Friday, August 30, 2002

We had Malaysian Nite just now. Really enjoyed myself....getting to know the other Malaysian seniors....the whole atmosphere was really nice and homey...... like those barbecues we used to have at the car porch and stuff. We didn't organise any games but everyone had fun talking and laughing and basically getting to know each other.

I feel better towards Eusoff now. :)

posted at 11:26 AM by sze

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Went to Larkin this morning to get my bus ticket back to Ipoh. All set now, 10pm next Friday night. I can't wait !!!!

posted at 12:22 AM by sze

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Thursday, August 29, 2002

Okay I have finished my article,arranged the pictures took into 2 disks to pass to Daniel tomorrow, did the thingy Stephanie asked me to, went on the money collecting thingy for 2 rounds, did laundry.....yeah pretty accomplished tonight.

Had a talk with Sarah tonight. I think I am just plain kaepoh. Why do I never learn to leave things as they are?

Rather worried about Yuan. Hope she'll be okay. I am just going to miss her so much when she leaves for India. Then again, maybe it's just for the best. Just that....another one of us going so far away.

I can't wait to go home to see her.

posted at 10:58 AM by sze

::::

Oh yeah and one more thing.....I miss Nisha and Puy Jean and Ling like mad too. Spoke to Ling and Teh over ICQ that day........when I was talking to Ling I nearly wanted to cry. I miss the girls soo soo much and we are like all separated now. That day when I had an SMS from Puy Jean I was so overjoyed. And I miss Nisha a lot too.

Why do people have to be separated from those who truly care and love them? Those were the people who stood by me through so much......I won't get to see Puy Jean and Ling this time when I am back cos they are having finals in USM. Nisha......Have to get that girl back to Ipoh...


posted at 2:44 AM by sze

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Okay....today has been goodie too......first thing that happened was that I could get up on time for breakkie despite the fact that I slept at 4am last night :)

Went for breakfast.....then Chenfei told me that I got the position as Culture Comm vice-head......that's strike 2 :)

Strike 3 ..... completed 3 interviews out of 6 liao.......3 to go !!

Strike 4....got the essay back from Dr. Turner......got a B....I am really happy about it......sms-ed Andy right away to thank him cos he helped me so so much with it....

I think I finally realised why I have been so much in a depressed mode. The more I think of going home....the more I realise how much I miss everyone back home. I miss spending all those times with Janice and Siewyee. Everyday when Janice fills me in on what has happened...the party they had for Pang....how May Lee is back....how James is irritating.....what Pete did....how Natassia is in the US and all that......I want to go back so so much !!

I miss Ernie the most.....I am afraid I'll cry when I see him next week.....this kiddo means a whole lot more to me than anyone on earth.

It's not that I don't like it here.....just that.....I have begun to appreciate home more....not that I haven't appreciated it before....but this feeling of detachment is really sinking in. I have really really left home this time. 10 out of 12 months in a year will be spent here. I don't think I was quite prepared for it when I left home.

It's also not that I'll go back this time not wanting to come back to Singapore. I want everyone to be here with me !! Jacques pinpointed that very feeling I had.....that was about a month ago? When we were at Jurong Hill Park. Yeah.......he said the exact feeling I had towards home.

So I'll be going to JB tomorrow to get my ticket.........will be boarding the bus back to Ipoh next Friday night. Will be missing Econs lecture and the DnD bash. But they are not important.


posted at 2:38 AM by sze

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Wednesday, August 28, 2002

I have got to get past this depressed mode. It's detrimental to myself seriously.


posted at 11:57 AM by sze

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Had a relatively goodie day today. Went for Econs lecture but left early......was raining heavily this morning so snuggled up with my big comfy Gap sweater with a mug of Milo and listened to music.....ahh....BLISS....

Oh yeah and I went around NUS persuading people to pose for pics.....we are doing this fashion spread on how students from different faculties dress differently. It's not really my article but I am helping out by taking pics for them cos Sarah-Anne lent me her digital camera. Which is too cool. Which I feel like buying....along with the speakers for my laptop....aarrgghhh......Control....

Attended the interview for the position of Culture Comm vice-head. Found out that this other senior.....who is really good and I mean really really good.....is running as well. She has a very confident air about her which I simply lack. I am at peace now.

I think I am becoming immune to failure.

posted at 9:54 AM by sze

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Tuesday, August 27, 2002

I think PMS is striking me again. Ewww....not sure whether it's PMS or am I simply looking for an excuse for my lousy mood tonight?

Had a long day.......was really a little pissed off by the way my Chinese tutorial group is acting.......people don't turn up for the meetings half the time and we can nver decide what to do. So today we finally did. I want to cry at the sight of the work. I foresee that a huge part of my future 2 weeks is going to be spent in the Chinese Library.

Remind me to do something about the temperature in there. That...or to wear a few more layers of clothes.

I feel really boggled down by the amount of schoolwork now. It's like....the readings are neverending......I actually did some reading for the History lecture before class and it really really did help......I understood the lecture perfectly. That is why I really resolve to read and read more now......at least with that I won't be behind in my classes. And not to mention there is a History test next Tuesday.

Attended the Lifestyle meeting this evening. Given a Friday night deadline. My assignment is to interview about 6 exchange students and pose them with questions. They are going to be pretty lame questions but then.....it's worth a try. It'll be cool.....as in they'd be people I know anyway. Should be able to finish that article by Thursday.

Decided to run for the positions of Culture Comm vice-head and EVC secretary. Somehow.....I am really doubting....can I? Should I? If I am so moody all the time, how am I going to tell people to do their jobs? Where is the old Szelyn?

I feel like I am going nowhere. I am accomplishing NOTHING. Doing NOTHING right. Finishing NOTHING.

Crying ain't going to do me any good now.

posted at 10:04 AM by sze

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Monday, August 26, 2002

I feel accomplished ..... to a certain extent yeah....

Only because I managed to sleep at 9pm last night and zonked out until 7am this morning. Pretty good I'd say :)

Attended econs tutorial....went for MINDS .... attended Lit lecture with full attention. Hmm......obviously I need more sleep.

Gotta go do more readings....have a dance class later :)

posted at 5:34 AM by sze

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Saturday, August 24, 2002

Last night's dinner was fun......caught up with Paul and co. .... nice lar.....hehe

Then Justin and I went on to catch a film.....Unfaithful......the plot was pretty common but I really liked the way the story was told.....as in how they compare and contrast different actions done by 2 different characters at the same time.....and I relaly really liked the scene right before Richard Gere kills his wife's lover.....this is the first time I am watching a murder through the murderer's eyes......how he felt at that split second......I LIKE.........the ending was.....nah didn't like that part......:) Thank God I am not in Transmedia or else the Ridge would never ever publish my reviews !!!

Hmm...then we hung around that area...and Clark Quay till about....yeah spent the whole night there just talking and stuff.....good lar...the bonding part.....told him liao.....can't do that all the time.....STUDY !!!! But it's a sort of release for me to be out at night...Was telling him that I really love being room alone.....love the atmosphere and the coziness of my room....but sometimes it IS a release....to just go out to the parks and LOOK.........


posted at 10:36 PM by sze

::::

Had a really fun day today :)

Had anticipated a boring day....but it was really fun ! Sarah and I went to the Fiesta at 10:30am to support the band.....they were playing jazz today and sounded really really good ! Felt so proud....though I had nothing to do with it.....hehe

Then I helped out with the EMC sushi stall......the memories of open days in AMC came back to me.....we had sooo much fun back then !!!

Hmm....then went for my duty at the Ridge's Scrabble stall......that was fun in a way too......was getting people to play......got to know the editorial board better...Theia is a really really funny girl and so is Daniel !!

I can look forward to lots of fun now in NUS.....I love being in the Ridge.....haven't really started work yet but the people are nice to be around with.....and I am more positive about joining stuff in hall...deciding between going for culture comm or drama comm.......definitely will be joining EVC for real now. Yeah that's about it .... :)

Oh yeah and I met up with so many people today. Of all people.....FRANCIS LIM !!!! From Sam Chai !! Ohmigosh his appearance hasn't changed since he was 12 !! We were never exactly best friends back when we were kids but then it was nice seeing someone that you know from home. Also met Har Jia Yi.....Miau Jiun....all the AMC seniors....it's so amazing !

Going out for dinner with Paul, Keng Kiat and Mun Yip....Jackie can't make it. I think I'll call Jenna along :)

posted at 1:53 AM by sze

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Friday, August 23, 2002

Hmm.....I am so happy....Kazaa is finally working again !! Yippeee......

It's going to be a relaxing cum boring day today I suppose. Have nothing to do between now till 12:45pm when we are supposed to meet Daniel at UCC for duty at the Fiesta. Just an hour duty and I'll have nothing to do again today. Justin and Sarah are going to be bringing visitors around Eusoff.

I think it'd be a good time to actually start some studying :)

Will most probably be going out with Keng Kiat and co. tonight.......looking forward to it......I miss spending time with them....just being with them feels as if Jan...Pang....the rest were there.....I miss those yumcha sessions....why am I being so reminiscient?

posted at 7:16 PM by sze

::::

I feel a whole lot better today.

"Tomorrow is a fresh new days with no mistakes made in it yet." says Anne Shirley...and I don't think I have made any today :)

Woke up at about 10am when Mun Yip called to say that he had reached NUS. So took him to the Notebook Center only to find that the Fujitsu counter wasn't open....went for lunch and went on to IMM to get Pete's guitar stand.

Speaking about Pete....he got on my nerves again last night. I was telling him about my losing in the JCRC thingy and what I felt about it....he immediately jumped into conclusions and asked me where my CHRISTIAN VALUES were and that he was disappointed in me cos I was saying that God failed me.

Needless to say....I was super super angry at him. When we were together he had always been like that. But now that we have broken up...he is still like that towards me. I got very angry and refused to talk anymore to him. Then he wrote me an email saying that I don't treat him like a friend and that I have changed and all that stupid stuff.

Why does he always have to spoil everything??

Anyway...back to today...so came back from IMM.....did up my mortal card....went for Sociology tutorial ... I love my tutorial class !!!! My group is going to do a project on breaking social norms. What previous students have done before is to set up an entire picnic scene in Orchard.....and yeah...you get the scene. It's going to be so so cool !!

Then after that I attended the AGM for the Ridge. I can foresee that I'll be hugely involved in the Ridge throughout my stint in NUS. I really like the atmosphere in the editorial board and also the fact I get to know other people apart from those in hall. Not to mention that the chief editor is pretty cute :)

Thought about it....in hall I'll try to be active in DP ( next year... ) .... will be joining EVC and Drama comm. That's about it. Oh yeah and Ehoc next year.

After the JCRC thingy.....I was really glad.....I really saw that a lot of people supported me and were on my side......and a lot of other people really did vote and rally for me. Janice also told me that a lot of the seniors think that I am quite 'steady' ...... I am really really touched. I know that people care for me around here.... :)


posted at 10:45 AM by sze

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Thursday, August 22, 2002

Okie confirmed. I am NOT in JCRC.

And I am okay about it. Not crying. Finished that last night.

I fought a good fight. Didn't compromise anything. I am satisfied with myself.

posted at 12:49 PM by sze

::::

I feel a lot better now about the JCRC thingy. Cos I am at peace with the fact that I am not going to win. Talked to Ming Hui about the rallying thingy.....which he mentioned something ... very true.....why should I change what I am just to compromise with the situation? I know myself and people who know me know that I am not the type to go around sticking up stuff and all that to get votes. So why change myself?

So right now I am feeling a lot better. It's not bugging me anymore. Though I just can't help but feel a little sad over the fact that I probably won't be able to be as close to Justin and Sarah as I am now....cos when they are in JCRC....a lot of things are going to be very different. That....well....it's the future.

Going to study now. Polling results coming out at 1am. Oh well.....

posted at 5:48 AM by sze

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Wednesday, August 21, 2002

I am feeling like a total failure now.

Justin came over last night after the rally and after his supper cos he knew I wasn't feeling good at all. Told him....it's not about winning...it's just.....and he finished the sentence for me.....just that I have never experienced failure in my life before. In a sense....t's true. Throughout secondary school and Form 6...whatever post I wanted I got them.....but it's been just a little more than a month since I have got here and I have been experiencing failure after failure.

First it was the rag dance. Yeah Navin told me I was a great dancer ... still I couldn't get into the 10 places. Then it was the interview to be in DnD programme. That was kinda expected so I didn't feel too bad. Then it was DP secretary/house manager. Then it was DP Assistant Stage Manager. I know all these are hard to get cos they are quite high posts.....but when I put them all together....it's like waves of failures coming onto me non-stop. Then now it's the JCRC. I know results of the polling are not out yet but come on...she has been going from room to room asking people to vote for her....and I have a problem even with asking people whom I don't really know to vote for me. I already know the results. I am NOT going to be in the JCRC.

So was telling Justin...you and Sarah are going to be in JCRC and our little company is going to be broken up cos you 2 are going to be so busy with JCRC stuff.

At least I have the Ridge. And as dance cast. And EVC.

I know I am going to lose out to Stephanie. Confirmed.

posted at 11:06 PM by sze

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I am so doomed.

Came back from the rally at about 1:30am. Feeling completely dejected and yeah...hungry. Before I went for the rally I was crying in Sarah's room cos I just knew that Stephanie would be so much better than I'd ever be.

And I was right. I did okay for my speech but I screwed up totally during QnA. I looked like a total bimbo next to her. The seniors were darn impressed by her.

Excuse me while I bring my ego down from the top and dump it into the nearest drain.

posted at 11:42 AM by sze

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Tuesday, August 20, 2002

Okay.....I have talked to ALL the past leaders of the 5 cultural groups of Eusoff....explained to every single one of them my passion for the arts....which I really really do......and my baby plans.......as usual with senior Eusoffians....they never ever give you the slightest indication whether you'd make it or not.

I am going to have an agonising week.

Oh yeah I went down to support IBG tonight. Didn't feel like doing work at all tonight....sze can't be like that !! But I went to support the guys' takraw ( we won !! ) and the girls' volleyball ( lost to A by a slight margin !! ) ... and played netball with the B block girls.....Stephanie included. She still seemed a little wary of me. Oh well.....can't be bothered liao. She is definitely someone which I can never click with that's for sure. Small talk can lar.

I sound snobbish.

I think I have a slight problem with arranging chronological events. What happened was the IBG thingy first...then I played netball...then I went shower and poof went to talk to Huiyi and Adrian. Adrian is super cool. Then I was done with the cultural heads liao. Then I came back.

I suppose this would be what Turner would say to be the 'story'...as in it's up to the narrator to tell it in any chronological order but the 'plot' .. yeah it's there.

Guess what I am actually learning...hmm....

Economics 8am tomorrow. I AM waking up in time for it this time cos Fung Ching's friend gonna wake us up....hehe....

posted at 9:45 AM by sze

::::

Hmm.....I have been really really freaked out and stressed since last night....

We had a DP full comm meeting last night and during supper.....a girl came up to me from nowhere....to cut the story short...she introduced herself and said that she too was running for the position of Culture Sec. Thing is....she looked really intimidating and confident and she is definitely the kind that oozes confidence and will get what she wants.

I was FREAKING scared.

Was crying in front of Justin today.....was really scared and intimidated....the reason being I had so many plans and visions to improve the cultural scene in Eusoff.......I wanted to do soo soo much...was looking forward to working with the JCRC people....this year's comm seems really really nice......

Then now everything might just go *poof*

But she smiled at me during dinner. And I feel better towards her. But my confidence level is still zooming down.

What if I am too bimbotic for the people to vote me?

But Rina stopped me just now just to tell me that I have her vote. I am sooo touched. There are lots of nice people about :)

posted at 5:35 AM by sze

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Monday, August 19, 2002

Okay.....so I have handed in my essay. There.

Today's lecture on A Streetcar Named Desire was really good.....I THINK I am finally catching up in this Lit class.....I love this play too.....can't wait to finish it....everyone else seems to have finished reading it........and I want to watch the film as well !

Was really D-E-A-D this morning......overslept again.....this time until 7:40 am.....when my tutorial was supposed to be 8am ! Hurried to wash and change and went to wake Justin up....supposed to wake him up at 7am but oh well...unforeseen circumstances.....then Sarah and I went off to the tutorial.....and came out....YUCKS....the tutor....I don't know how to describe her.....definitely not local...judging by her spoken English....seemed a little uncertain......not to mention some guys in the class who were constantly on an economics debate......when we were only given MINIMAL information and weren't expected to put up an arguement. Those questions were simple direct ones which were meant to lead us further on to tougher chapters later. But they chose to use all bombastic economics terms to argue....left the tutor rather dazed though.

I pity those who haven't studied Economics before.

Or am I just being plain jealous that I am not so smart?

posted at 4:09 AM by sze

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Sunday, August 18, 2002

It's weird how a couple of hours can practically turn your whole life around.

Sarah and Justin came to my room while I was still working on the essay for Turner. Guess I have to mention that I did a really crap essay and Andy Mickey agreed :) Anyway he came over to help me go through what would be expected of me and kinda like set me right on track with a structure and all that. I started on it like 11 something........just finished....why so late?? Cos my destiny in this hall just about turned around.....*kua zhang*

As I was saying they were in my room and Sarah apologised for making me feel bad....and I was feeling super apprehensive cos I really thought I have been projecting a bimbotic image all this while....how are those people going to take me seriously when I am doing my block rallies ???

Anyhow...as always...I was convinced by them....so went on this mad scramble to talk to the relevant seniors...not bad...in one hour talked to Camille, Viknesh and Janus. All told me equally encouraging things and negative things.

This is what I have decided to do. This is going to be an entirely new experience for me...as I was telling Janice....it's gonna be whatever I had put up with during the prefect days and Interact days ... multiply by about 50 and I'll just be there....she laughed and said I waqs just about correct......but I need to take up new things. I can't always be complacently doing things that I am comfy and familiar with.

Which is the same for my schoolwork....everything is so stark different from what I did in Form 6...a lot more is expected of me...and I am just a normal Arts student.....was kaepohing with Shawn....who was writing a 4 page essay trying to prove this ancient German philosopher wrong....something about taste of judgement.

Scholars. And to think I wanted to try out. Not in a million years Sze......hehe.....and Shawn's first year too....

Not sleeping yet....this time REALLY not sleeping.....Sarah is online with me now......both of us can't sleep cos we have 8am tutorials ..... hehe....it's gonna be a long day for me tomorrow......tutorials until 9am ( thank You God ) ... then 10am-12pm at MINDS.....then come back....read Tenessee Williams......cannot go out for lunch liao....then Lit lecture at 4pm......after dinner....i am going to SLEEP until the Dance Production full comm meeting at 11pm.......

Can anyone recommend me a good concealer?

posted at 1:59 PM by sze

::::

I should write in here more often.....cos now I have 2 different sides of my feelings since last night till now to tell.....and the worse part is now

Throughout yesterday I was really taking the decision to run for JCRC very very seriously......talked to Wei Chieh on the phone about the various duties....decided to run for Culture Secretary......felt like I wanted to take up something big for once......and I love cultural stuff so much....I wanted to make an impact somewhere...

Attended the Campus meeting in the Rock yesterday......I haven't had a time of worship like what I had last night....it was AMAZING !!! God just tapped into me and reminded me that once again....I was relying on my own strength rather than His to solve my problems. I hadn't gone to Him at all......I had doubted his strength ! I just poured out everything to Him last night....about her....about jcrc....about school...about everything......the 'pressure' which I was talking about earlier? I felt it literally leave my body.....I was sooo soo at peace when I left the meeting last night.

Then I met Yew Seng at the bus stop and we came back to hall together....later I talked some more with Chris and Jarrod and they really encouraged me to run. Teck Horng too when I talked to him later on ICQ.

This morning I attended the Church of Our Saviour...where Paul and Kheong Sen are serving....where Keng Kiat and Jenna are attending too. Had a really really familiar kinda feeling there....especially when Paul told me to join the special Sunday School class.....I had a feeling that God had it planned all this while for me to join JCRC....cos I'd have to give up EVC.....

Came back very happy and all that lar....plus I went to IKEA with Yew Seng and got this really pretty rattan thingy to put by my bedside...for storing things all that....all for 9 bucks when the original price was $55 !!

Then I came back and talked to Sarah. Found out that she too was thinking about running for Culture or Info. Now that was my problem. I already knew that she was feeling in the dumps......and she didn't tell me that she was serious about running for JCRC....and plus I thought that she had so much activities already while I had no commitments ..... so I decided to run.......but as Justin says...she is considering giving up everything to join JCRC......but when she heard me say that I was going to run for culture....her face immediately fell .... she said she didn't want any competition

Talked to Justin just now.....I told him I don't want to take away what Sarah wanted. If she is already feeling so bad....and I am right here taking away what she wanted in the first place.......what right do I have? I know Teck Horng told me that he had a strong feeling that I should run and I FELT that God had a plan for me there......but I don't want to make her more sad than what she already is.......

Justin was telling me that I shouldn't give up the notion but seriously....I don't want to make her feel worse. He also said that whatever she is going through now doesn't have anything to do with us. But that's the point....I don't want to make her feel worse.

So I THINK I am pretty much decided.....I am not running this year.......I'll run for the next year.....for this year....I'll just make do with whatever committees I have gotten into....cross my fingers that I'll be back in hall next year and run next year.....and make my vision for the cultural side of Eusoff come true.

posted at 7:16 AM by sze

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Friday, August 16, 2002

I did something which I'd NEVER do back home last night....I was really stressed out by the whole thing....felt really helpless and guilty for being unable to help her........Justin and I went to Holland V.....walked all the way to Orchard...then Clark Quay....like smack in the middle of the night. Talked a lot....and we both knew that both of us were thinking about her........it's like this huge pressure within us that simply would not go away......got back at about 4:30?? Dont' remember liao.....but he left me a message telling me that she still wouldn't talk.

I think I'll be going out today on my own. Need some time alone. Yeah....will study in the afternoon then go out in the evening.....

Justin was talking about JCRC to me last night. Should I? But I think I am giving the impression of being a bimbo liao. Dont' know....will decide later...

posted at 9:03 PM by sze

::::

Now I am confused. But I don't know how to put it down in words. All I know is that I am helpless in this situation unless someone comes up and tells me what the heck is going on.

Enough said about that. Arrgghhh.

Just doing the 2nd paragraph of my Lawrence essay and it's already about 150 words. How am I going to fit whatever I want to say into it?? As Ron said....if it were 2000 words , he could smoke his way through.....if for me....2000 words....I could err....I don't smoke.....I could crap my way through...yeah that's the word :)

Didn't feel like going for handball training tonight. I am like a total 'vase' when I am there. I have accepted the fact a long time ago that I am just plain unathletic.

Might be going down to Holland V later with Justin. Still waiting for him to come over to confirm whether going or not.

Signed up to join Rotaract last night. Hopefully I can get into the Ridge as well. Considering the debate team. I am in dance cast now. Asked about the NUS(tudio) short film who was asking around for actors.

Why am I joining so many stuff? Just cos I haven't been able to get into a lot of things I wanted to in hall, so might as well join those OUT of hall......not purely for points....all these I know I'll enjoy.....and enjoyment is what I need.

posted at 6:06 AM by sze

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Thursday, August 15, 2002

Was really stressed earlier.......about the workload and all that......wanted to cry....don't know why ... was suddenly overcome by all that.....so after handball practice I got Justin and Sarah to go out for supper at prata....then everyone was there...Ron...Andrew..XinNing.....Joey they all.....very nice ler...just sit there and talk.....Made me feel better......

Will really concentrate tonight........

posted at 10:42 AM by sze

::::

Got back from my Literature tutorial......it was fun...compared to the Chinese one I had this morning....people in this class are generally more open and friendly......nice....:) Signed up to do a presentation sometime in September....my groupmates are Ron, Dennis and this guy called James.....should be fun...we are working on Marxism in this Hemingway novel.....

Nothing much to do tonight....Sarah's away for dragon boating and then road relay training......being so unathletic....I shall resume THINKING about the essay....hehe....

posted at 2:41 AM by sze

::::

Wednesday, August 14, 2002

Okay, just attended my first tutorial of the semester.....the Chinese tutorial.....don't know whether I'd sound vain or not.....but then .... I think the level of Chinese that I have learnt up to Form 5 is actually quite sufficient now for me to follow this class successfully cos apparently there were some students in the class who were unable to grasp the basic grammar rules that we had been coached in since we were in Lower Sec....hmm......okie lar......Have to meet up with my group members during one of the nights next week.....gonna come up with a 5000 word essay......oooh.....scary...

Having lunch in my room.....didn't feel like going out for lunch today...plus I really really have to do something about the essay :)

Had my first cell group meeting last night....it's very different here from what I experienced in Teck James' cg.....here.....they use a lot of really 'deep' 'spiritual' language.....then again it's only my first time in the cell group so far....I shall persevere ( hehe....that was from James Chpt 1 ... not that I am viewing the cell group as a 'trial' .... ) ..... a circle of Christian friends is really what I need.....

Going to finish my lunch and start reading ....

posted at 9:34 PM by sze

::::

*yawn* just woke up........

Seriously.....I've gotta stop procrastinating and start THINKING about the essay Dr. Turner assigned.......I feel so behind in this class....everyone seems to smart...they talk in 4-5syllable words......they think DEEP........real deep.......But I've gotta do the essay anyway !! I know I want to major in Literature eventually.....but how am I going to do that successfully when I am already so intimidated in my first semester??

Have class at 4pm....better take something along with me to eat just in case I fall asleep....then again....it's hardly possible to fall asleep in Chinese.....

posted at 12:37 AM by sze

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Tuesday, August 13, 2002

I didn't make it !!!! AArrrgghhhhh.......I SLEPT.......overslept would be the apt word for it......by the time Fong Ching and I woke up, it was 7:50am !! But we made it there again....this time it was 8:05am....considering that we had actually spent a couple of minutes seriously contemplating skipping the lecture, I'd say that we were pretty fast !!

So went for lecture.....came back....downloaded Kazaa *finally*.....and now I have TO BE WITH YOU !!! Although this song really brings back a lot of old memories which link to not-so-nice stuff......I still love this song.....love it for its guitar.....love it for the sense of security the lyrics bring.....:)

Having Chinese lecture later....wonder what's going to happen today??

Talked to him a little about her.....he said he expected her to react this way....why am I always the last to notice things like this? People say that ignorance is bliss..but......they are out today....hopefully he'd talk her out of thinking as such.....I don't know how to prove that it's not an issue to me at all that they are close....should I just avoid being alone with him?? It's just that he is such a good friend and nothing else........

Hmm....gotta go and collect laundry......how interesting

posted at 10:41 PM by sze

::::

Hmm......just finished taking down 11 pages of notes from the History lecture I skipped today......didn't feel guilty for not going cos all the lecturer does is to read off his Powerpoint slides of which he will load onto the IVLE anyway.......hehe....

I am very confused now......do I relaly give the impression that I mind that she is close to him..........cos to me it's not even an issue....everyone is just being friends......aarghhhh I don't know.....I promised myself that when I came to Singapore I wouldn't get into these friendship probs thingy.......girlfriends are always the utmost important for me........I just want people around me to be happy that is all.....how hard can it be??

Should I talk to him .... that she feels this way about me?? *struggling*

I am not going to sleep tonight.......no point sleeping if I can't wake up in time later for the lecture....might as well endure on until the morning ... then go for breakkie ... then go for lecture....then come back at 10am and sleep ...... hehe....would've never been able to do things as such at home !! This new found freedom thingy certainly does come with lotsa responsibility !

Okiez....will go and read up the Econs text for the lecture......that's why I bought the text in the first place anyway....will not think of depressing stuff....will concentrate on studying....that's what I came to uni for......:)

posted at 12:45 PM by sze

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Hmm.....should be sleeping by now...have an 8am Economics lecture in the morning...don't particularly want to repeat last Wednesday's incident of waking up at 7:45am for an 8am class.......

Haven't totally gotten over the embarassment from the block initiation thingy just now....as in I don't mind being filmed doing all those silly things and all that cos it WAS fun.....I don't mind....just that....ugh.....even D-blockers know about it......*sniff*

Err.....should get some sleep....will figure out how to go about this thingy tomorrow......

posted at 10:34 AM by sze

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the girl


sze-lyn
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